Missing Puzzle Piece (100 MISSING PIECES) - KLAINE
by We Consort With Stars
Summary: 100 part Series : KLAINE : GLEE : each drabble will cover "missing pieces" from Kurt and Blaine's relationship. CANON KLAINE. (chapter titles will indicate the corresponding episode(s) - 8/28 NEW UPDATE! (this is a writing challenge, so feedback is extra appreciated!)
1. Reality (like a punch in the face) 404

**(((Three days after Blaine's visit to NYC in 4.04 and the subsequent break-up with Kurt, Blaine returns home from school to find a package from Kurt... this is the story of the contents of that package...))) Part 1 of a 100 Series :: KLAINE**

It had been three days since Blaine returned to Ohio after that fateful trip to NYC to break the heart of the only person who even gave a damn about him. He remembered the previous week, feeling lonely and left behind was nothing compared to how he felt now; dirty, wrong, horrid and alone – truly alone. He'd lost his boyfriend, his Kurt, and for what? A few beers, kisses that felt and tasted and lingered all wrong and an awkward hand job that was too dry, too rough and harsh and not at all satisfying.

The package was waiting on his bed when he entered his room, his bag hit the ground with a thud of books, contests spilling and rolling across the floor, disappearing under his bed. Blaine's hands were shaking, his knees were shaking, he was pretty sure his teeth were shaking when he took the box in both hands and read the return address_ Kurt Hummel, Bushwick, NYC. _

He felt the wetness on his cheeks before he realized he was crying and then he was choking on air, hugging the box to his chest while he melted onto the floor against his bed. He didn't know how long it took before he was able to make his way to his desk and fish out a pair of scissors to break the hard seal of tape wrapped securely around the box.

Inside were three bowties, one with the NYC skyline printed across it in various shades of blue. One a simple red and white and the third an elegant purple silk with gold stitches; a shiny off-white business card printed for _Kurt Hummel, Intern, _ in elegant script and a letter, written carefully in Kurt's neat hand.

_B –_  
_ Just dropping a line to tell you that I miss you more than words can say and I love you and I miss your face and your hair and your hands and just your everything all the time, you're always in my thoughts, babe. Also, one of the bowties *may* have been nicked – with Isabel's permission – from the master closet at Vogue (aka, heaven on earth) I wonder if you can guess which one?_

_I'm sitting at the park across the street from our building in Bushwick and wishing you were here with me; I can hardly wait for you to come visit in two weeks, there's so much I want to show you of this amazing city that will one day be ours. Ours together._

_Yesterday, I saw a boy wearing that blue pea coat you got from H&M last year; I was on 5__th__ avenue having lunch with some people from work and I stole the sugar packets from the restaurant for you, because I felt like you were with me even though you're states away…_

_There's so much that I can't wait to do with you in NYC; I want to experience Central Park with you by my side, and I want to ride the subway with your hand in mine and I want to walk through Times Square and eat in Chinatown or Little Italy and then I want to take you back to my apartment and make love to you. (We can lock Rachel out and it'll be so nice not to have to listen for a door or garage or parents or brothers)_

_Then, I want us to sit on this very bench while we watch the sunset over downtown Manhattan and I kiss you senseless because I miss kissing you, in fact we may just spend your entire weekend here kissing so that I can memorize every perfect detail. _

_Anyway, hope you like the bowties and my fancy personal business card, which makes me feel very adult or something; I thought you might like one for your wallet. I love you so much Blaine, keep my heart safe in Ohio; I've left it with you._

_ Yours, forever -_  
_ Kurt_

By the end of the letter, Blaine was doubled over the back of his desk chair, clutching to the wood till his knuckles were white and sore. He was crying in earnest, so the words blurred and he wasn't sure who was screaming until he felt the sound in his own mouth. The next thing Blaine knew he was crumbled on his bedroom floor, his legs bent awkwardly beneath him as the sobs broke free, loud and echoing around the room.

Reality.

Reality was the empty bed behind him where he and Kurt had first made love. Reality was the ringing silence of his cell on the table, the dream of Kurt's smile featured on the main screen, taken mere minutes prior to the moment when Blaine's first visit to NYC had become a nightmare. Reality was the pain that shot across Kurt's face when Blaine blurted out the truth, reality was Kurt's tears, reality was Blaine's fault.

His mouth still tasted sour, both from the words he had to say and the words he wished he'd never said, wished he could take back; the idiot words he'd spat at Kurt to try to justify his mistake, as if Blaine's weakness, his selfishness, his neediness were Kurt's fault. Those memories made his head ache whenever he thought about it, his desperate attempts to talk his way out of the inevitable.

Reality was that Kurt hadn't been leaving, before. Reality had been all the things they'd promised and reality was that Blaine had broken Kurt's heart. Reality was that Kurt was gone and Blaine only had himself to blame.

Blaine was being drowned by reality and he could do nothing but accept the pressure into his lungs and give in.

Even after the dozen shower's he's taken since leaving the bed of another man, everything smelled wrong – even his hair gel was sickening where it was usually so sweet. His body felt awkward, like his very skin with stained with the guilt and shame of his actions; his lips tasted like poison, a reminder of the last time Kurt would ever kiss him.

And then, worse than every other thought, someday someone else would be allowed to kiss Kurt and reach for him and have Kurt and be with Kurt and love Kurt. All because Blaine has let them have him, he let go of the most precious thing in his life the second he allowed some stranger to touch him, kiss him. He felt like he traded a bag of gold for a lump of coal and he couldn't for the life of him remember why the coal had seemed like a good option in the first place; the thought made bile rise in his throat again though his stomach remained empty.


	2. Online (Status Change) 216

**(((SET: Chapter 2 of the series -** text conversation between Kurt/Blaine w/ appearances from Quinn, Rachel and Mercedes and an interruption from Puck and Finn following the 2.16 kiss** (part 2 of a 100 part series, KLAINE - the rating may change))))**

* * *

- Kurt signs onto Facebook after dinner and across the room Blaine's computer beeped an alert. He pushed his math book aside and moved to sit at his computer. -

* * *

_Hi _ – Kurt

**Hey you ** -Blaine

_Well that was an interesting dinner_ -k

**O? ** -b

_Finn is freaking out because Quinn of all people actually agreed with one of Rachel's crazy suggestions_ -k

* * *

-While he read Kurt's message Blaine received a request for status change-

**Kurt Hummel is in a relationship with Blaine Anderson**

Blaine sighs, stares longingly at the request before quickly hitting confirm and opening his own, new and improved profile and then Kurt's -

* * *

**What did Quinn agree with though? I mean maybe it was a good idea** -b  
**Wait, which one is Finn dating again?** -b

_LMAO, Quinn… this week _ -k  
_And Idk, Rach and Finn won't tell me so I assume it's something to do with regional's _ - k  
_Um, thanks _ -k

**Of course** -b  
**Thanks for letting me kiss you** -b

_Anytime_ -k

**I plan to hold you to that** -b

_God I hope so_ -k

* * *

-They were both quiet for a few moments, each one swooning in the privacy of their own rooms. It would be a lie to say neither of them shrieked and danced-

* * *

**So…Quinn and Rachel, _hu?_** -b

_I'm telling ya, since the start of sophomore year it's like… those girls; they are more in love than Brittney and Santana. And I can't even speak for freshmen year when I didn't know them, lord knows what else I don't know... _-k

**Is everyone at McKinley gay?** -b

_Just the girls, apparentl_y -k

**Lucky for me** -b

_I hope you know that I've been smiling like a fool for so long that my face actually hurts & my father noticed! I am holding you personally responsible, Anderson_ -k

***innocent face* whatever did I do** -b

_You kissed me *disbelieving face*_ -k

**Yes, I did** -b  
**:) ** -b  
**You kissed me back** -b  
**Several times, actually** -b

_Of Course I did!_ -k

**Kurt…** -b  
**I can't stop smiling either** -b

_Good. 'Cause I really like you Blaine_ -k

**I really like you too, Kurt** –b  
**So…what did your father say?** -b

_That he's happy for me_-k  
_For us_ -k

**He wasn't surprised?** -b

_On the contrary, said he knew it was 'only a matter of time_' -k

**… does he always?** –b

_Yes_ -k

**LOL **-b

* * *

- Blaine returns to his profile to find over 50 comments on their relationship status in the span of 5 minutes, Kurt has also noticed -

* * *

**Oh for the love of God ** -b

_You'll have to give me a moment _ -k  
_I am currently dying of laughter, Wes is such a dick _-k  
_& him with Puck, o god it hurts_ -k

**Hey now, no dying… I'd really like to kiss you again** –b  
**And punch Wes** -b

_Well you can do the second if you promise to do the first_ -k

**Deal ** -b  
**I suppose I should've expected this** -b

_?_ -k

**They've been telling me for months** -b

_They? _ -k

**Dave must be out with Nicole ** -b  
**Dave & Wes… and well Nick, Jeff, Thad and of course Trent have been insisting since Christmas that you and I… that we were um ** -b  
**Together** -b

_Really? -_k

**That doesn't bother you?** -b

_Why would it bother me Blaine, I've liked you since we met_ -k

**God! I really am clueless** -b

_I know_ -k  
_But I still adore you anyway_ -k

**Thank god for that! ** -b

_LOL_-k  
_This is impossible!_ -k

**?** –b

_I am trying to finish this essay for Mr. Schultz and I keep ending sentences with 'he kissed me' _-k

**Wow okay** -b  
**You are really cute and yes, I did ** -b  
**What's the essay about? ** -b

_The final on Hamlet_ -k

**I'd ****rather**** do that than this blasted math** –b  
**Which I've been staring at for like a hour** -b

_Fair enough_ –k  
_But you're good at math, Blain_e –k

**Just because I understand it doesn't mean I enjoy it** –b

_Touché'_ -k  
_OH MY GOD _ -k

**?** -b

_Finn - and uh, Puck I think. Yes Puck_ -k  
_Are apparently attempting to smash through my bedroom door_ -k  
_Give me a sec ? _ - k

**LOL** -b  
**Of course ** -b

...

_Okay… well that was… weird _ -k

**What? ** -b

_Puck wanted to congratulate me in person _ -k  
_… it was weird because he just bro-hugged me, PUCK_ -k

**Hey now, none of that, you tell Puck to keep his hands off my man ** -b

_LOL _ -k

**I mean… ** -b

_He said you'll have to come over and make him, but you really don't_ -k  
_I'm so yours_ -k

**I'm going to have to request that Puck stay at least five feet away from you at all times ** -b

_Please! You have nothing to worry about, that's like hugging my brother_ -k

**Finn got one too?** -b

_… _ -k

**Well, see now I'm all jealous** -b

_You want a hug from Puck? He's still here… _ -k

**Ugh no** -b  
**I want to hug the boy that just said he was so mine** -b

_:)_ -k  
_And you referred to me as your man, so I guess we're even_ -k

**Kurt..** –b  
**We're together** -b

_That's the best thing I've ever read_ -k

**Hmm… idk, I'm a bit partial to the request I got earlier** -b

_?_ -k

**Kurt Hummel is in a relationship with Blaine Anderson** -b

_Ok, you're right_ -k  
_That is, hands down, the best sentence I have ever read _-k

**Me too** -b

* * *

**WHAT IN THE HELL IS GOING ON?** – Mercedes

_O hi, Mercedes, what's up?_ –k

**Don't WHAT'S UP me, white boy. You tell Mama Cedes everything, NOW** –M  
**I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DIDN'T CALL ME!** -M

_Whatever do you mean?_ –k

**DO NOT MAKE ME DRIVE OVER THERE AND SLAP THAT SMIRK OFF YOUR PRETTY FACE**–M  
**I CAN SEE IT FROM HERE!** - M  
**I IMAGINE YOUR ****_BOYFRIEND_**** WOULDN'T LIKE THAT** -M

_okay, okay...I performed a song earlier this week - Blackbird, I told you about it, after Pavarotti died and Blaine… well … he convinced the warblers council to give us a duet for regional's_ –k

**AND?** –M

_I asked him why he choose me to sing with and he said it was just an excuse to spend more time with me, among other things _-k

**OTHER THINGS?** -M

_Okay fine I'll give you this, he kissed me_ -k

**OMG** -M

_I don't think I would have ever stopped kissing him if Wes hadn't started cat calling_ –k  
_So ya… that was weird_ -k

**LMAO** -M  
**BABY I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU** -M

_Cap locks M, chill out _ - K

**O COME ON, I KNOW YOU'RE DANCING OUT OF YOUR SEAT OVER THIS ** -M  
**YOU ARE DATING WARBLER BLAINE **-M  
**YOUR PREP SCHOOL BOY** -M

_That would be yes _ - K  
_And yes_ – K  
_And *dances*_ -k

**:)** - M

* * *

_Mercedes says hi _-Kurt

**o?** -Blaine

_I think that's what she's trying to say through all the screaming_ -k

**LOL** -b  
**Well tell her I said Hello** –b

_Of course _- k  
_But first, I was wondering _-k  
_Can I ask… what thought did I pull you out of this morning on the stairs?_ -k

**You can ask me anything** -b  
**I was wondering if you would let me** –b  
**And I was imagining what it might be like, feel like** -b  
**To kiss you** – b

_Blaine…_ -k

**That's why I nearly fell down the stairs when you touched me** –b

_You never had to ask_ - k

**But I wanted to** -b  
**& you were better than I imagined** -b

_So were you_ -k  
_& you should prepare yourself to be kissed the next time I see you_ -k

**God I hope so ;)** -b

* * *

_When you catch your breath again, Blaine says hello_ - Kurt

**OMG I LOVE IT **-M  
**YOU'RE TALKING TO HIM RIGHT NOW AREN'T YOU?** -Mercedes

_I'm talking to you right no_w - K

**YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN WHITE BOY **-M

_Yes I am also talking to Blaine_ -k

**:)** – M

*WHAT IN THE NAME OF SANITY DID WE MISS?* - Rachel

Chill out Rach -**Quinn**

_Hey Girls, join us_ -K

*OMG KURT* -R

We're really happy for you Kurt -**Q**

_Are you two together somewhere? _-K

We're at the Lima Bean working on a project -**Q**

_You… and Rachel?_ -k

*HEY!*-R

It's a long story -**Q**

*HEY!* -R

And I bet you've got a better one to share -**Q**

**HE WON'T TELL ME SHIT!** -M

*WHY NOT?* -R  
*Come on, I've kissed him before, what's the big deal?* -R

_This was nothing like that _ -K

*AHHHHH* – R

Rachel! Calm the hell down, Jeez - **Q  
**God Kurt, do you have to rile her up like that? -**Q**

_yes!_ -K

:/ -Q

* * *

_O lord help me_ -Kurt

**Okay?** -Blaine

_Rachel … _-k

**LOL but of course ;)** -b

_She's all 'you can tell me everything, I already know 'cause I've kissed him before'_ -k  
_She's at the Lima Bean with Quinn _-k  
_I think Quinn may kill her with a spoon…_ -k

**Not the same ** -b  
**Not the same at all, just … no** -b  
**Not even close** -b  
**Like… Galaxies apart** - b

_That's what I said!_ -k

**Well tell Rachel that I agree** -b  
**Wait… she's at the Lima Bean with… Quinn?** -b

_They are clearly on a date_ -k

**Clearly ** -b

* * *

_Blaine agrees, btw_ -**Kurt**  
_Not even close, he said_ -**k**  
_Galaxies apart, he said_ **-k**

**OMG KURT!** –Mercedes

Rachel is currently experiencing a panic attack -**Quinn**  
I may kill her with a spoon –**Q**

_Or eat her_ -**K**

WHAT? - **Q**

_Nothing_ **-K**

**KURT!** -M

_Slipped^ _ -**K**

Shut up before she regains consciousness! -**Q**

_O Quinny…_ -**K**

SHUP UP -**Q**

Or tell us about your day ;) -**Q**

_Shutting_ -**K**

*WHAT? NO! Come on we want details! * -R

**If only I'd known everyone in Ohio was waiting on pins and needles for me to fall for one, Kurt Hummel** –Blaine

-a beat-

**BLAINE WARBLER OMFG YOU WONDERFUL BEAUTIFUL AWESOME BOY I COULD HUG YOU!** –M

**Hello, ladies** -b

_Cap-locks M, seriously_ –k

**I WILL STOP USING CAP-LOCKS WHEN THIS STOPS BEING AWESOME** –M

**...So never then** –b

_truth_! -k

*Wow* – r

Blainers and Kurtsie sitting in a tree… **-Q**

_Don't you dare_ –k

You started it :P **–Q**

**K** -M  
**I** -M  
**S** -M  
**S** -M  
**I** -M  
**N** -M  
**G** -M

**O god… **-b

_:/_ -k

*FIRST COMES LOVE* - r

**And we're leaving now** -b

_bitches_ -k

THEN COMES MARRIAGE** -Q**

_I hate you all_ -k

* * *

**Kurt? **–Blaine

_Hmm?_ -Kurt

**I miss you** -b

_I miss you too, Blaine_ -k  
_And sorry about them_ –k

**Don't even worry about it** –b  
**Your friends are great** –b

_Thanks, and rejoice! For I am finally done with this blasted paper_ -k

***dapper applause*** -b

_Thank you kind Sir _-k  
_Do you think like, could I_ -k  
_Call you, before I go to bed?_ -k

**I would really love that** -b

_Give me 2 minutes_ -k


	3. Prom Queen (Perks) 220

Kurt's hold on Blaine's hand tighten as they pushed through the doors to the parking lot, the ostentatious tiara was starting to give Kurt a headache but he really couldn't focus on anything that wasn't his boyfriend; his incredible, amazing, brave, courageous boyfriend, "I can't believe you did that." He breathed, shaking his head and rolling his arm so he could pull Blaine into him and drap his arm across the shorter boys shoulders with their hands still linked, now resting against Blaine's chest.

Blaine shrugged under Kurt, turning and letting his head rest against Kurt's arm as the night air hit them, "I can't believe they did that to you... and Kurofsky just walked away…"

Kurt scoffed, reaching for the keys in his pocket with his free hand, "I can"

"Well, I couldn't… I mean, as long as I'm around you will never stand alone, Kurt."

Kurt stopped just before they reached the car, turning to Blaine "You're truly incredible, Blaine," he whispered before kissing his boyfriend quickly, in a movement so soft and sweet it made Blaine's head go fuzzy and his legs sway beneath him.

"Thank you, for the dance."

Blaine smiled up at Kurt, shaking his head slightly, dazed "anytime."

…

Rather than going straight home, an hour and half before their extended _(prom night)_ curfews, Kurt and Blaine ended up in the backseat of Kurt's navigator hidden in the darkest corner of the lot connected to the park near Kurt's house. The car was off, the radio and lights silenced so the only sounds beyond their own was that of the wind.

They had left the dance, unnoticed out a side door, as the last notes of Dancing Queen echoed through the gymnasium and now, neither was willing to get out of the car. Their coats abandoned in the front seats with Kurt's crown and staff, which he'd completely forgotten about; they sat legs crossed over each others, kissing almost lazily in a way that they had not yet done. It was sensual, savory and Blaine's gentle hands, his ever present body resting securely, intertwined with Kurt's, relaxed; made Kurt feel like warm hot fudge, melted and molten and o so sweet.

It occurred to Kurt, during a moment of pause when Blaine's breath caught and he gasped at the air Kurt was breathing, like they were sharing breaths, that their current position should be uncomfortable. Their legs looked like a pretzel in the dark car, the kilt Kurt had worn for Prom draped over both of their laps like a blanket; he wasn't sure if he was sitting more on Blaine than the seat and one of Blaine's arms hugged across the middle of his back, fingers pressing into his shoulder blade while his own arm was draped lazily over Blaine's shoulder, his fingers playing in Blaine's hair.

Blaine's head had fallen to Kurt's shoulder and for the third time since they started dating; Blaine's lips were inches from the smooth expanse of Kurt's long pale neck. He acted without thinking, his lips finding the nook beneath Kurt's ear to place a kiss so gentle it knocked the breath out of Kurt and he heard himself whimper into the silent car. Blaine pulled back for a moment, stunned; he had never heard anything so hot in his life and Kurt had frozen in his arms. Blaine could plainly see the blush covering Kurt's face and creeping down his neck and then Blaine was kissing Kurt. His mouth open and hungry, wishing for the life of him that he could taste that sound on Kurt's perfect lips, but the low gasp Kurt let escape as he met Blaine's intensity was new and to Blaine, an invitation.

That was the first night Kurt Hummel entered his house, two minutes before curfew, with a bright purple hickey forming on his porcelain neck. It hadn't even occurred to him, melting into the back seat of his car with Blaine's mouth hot, wet and hungry on his skin. He hadn't known himself capable of the noises that escaped his lips and they only seemed to egg Blaine on, switching minutely to kiss Kurt's mouth just as he gasped for air again, so all he could taste was Blaine; his clothes and his hair smelled of Blaine. But as he turned inside to lock the door Finn came up behind him, eyes scanning the gold crown in Kurt's hand then falling to his face with a look of concern that quickly flickered away as he spotted the dark mark below Kurt's ear.

"Nice night?" Finn asked, with more decorum then Kurt could of ever hoped; he couldn't help but smile at his stepbrother as they walked to the kitchen.

"It had its moments," Kurt answered with a smirk because this particular night had more than a few choice moments.

"Sorry about the whole Prom Queen thing, if any of us had heard about it…" Finn began his voice full of forced sensitivity.

"Don't even worry about it," Kurt waved it off, because he really didn't care, that particular part of the night had been overshadowed by Blaine. It was nearly worth the humiliation of it, given what Blaine had done; put aside his fear and worry to take Kurt's hand and dance with him in front of the whole of McKinley high; they'd even taken a prom picture like all the other couples, Kurt was on cloud 9.

At that moment, Burt entered the kitchen in sweats and a threadbare t-shirt, "Hey Kiddo, how was the – what's that?" He stop, confused by the ostentatious gold crown on his kitchen counter. "I thought you said you didn't win Prom King, Finn."

"He didn't," Kurt spoke quickly before Finn could open his mouth, "It was me, I won Prom _Queen _by secret ballot."

"What?" Burt's voice rose, echoing around the kitchen.

"It was just a stupid joke," Kurt was quick to squash his father's worry, remembering that Blaine had said the same thing; "and Blaine was with me…. it's really I'm … I'm great."

And for some reason that would only occur to Kurt years later, that statement seemed to settle his father; no further questions were asked about the crown or the purple mark on his neck.


	4. Health & Healing 410

**(Authors note: first, I want to send a huge THANK YOU to everyone who follows, favorites and/or reads this story *set of drabbles* missing pieces whatever. You guys are all awesome because you motivate me to keep writing so please, Comment, Share and most of all, enjoy 3. Second, this piece is much longer than the previous 4, sorry about that... I got on a roll. I hope you enjoy!... can't wait to give you all my next few ideas, NEXT UP: 2.21 or 4.14 (depends which I finish first)) MUCH LOVE TO YOU ALL **

_This chapter is set prior to or during episode 4.10 Glee, Actually_

Blaine was in the middle of problem seven of his math homework, mulling over equations when his phone rang. He pulled it from his bag, hoping Kurt was calling an hour early despite the fact that he was still at work.

Instead, the screen lit up with Kurt's father, Burt's face; the picture Blaine had taken at a McKinley football game the previous year, of Burt's screaming after one of Finn's successful plays.

Blaine's heart dropped, he hadn't spoken to Burt since everything had fallen apart. Since he'd broken Kurt's heart, was Burt calling to tell Blaine off? Now? When things seemed to be getting better between them, or at least now that Kurt was finally speaking to Blaine again.

Blaine's hands shook along with his voice as he answered; "Hello?" the word came out as a question.

"Hello Blaine, how are you? Hope I haven't caught you at a bad time…" Burt's voice was clipped, but still warm, familiar.

"I'm alright, Mr. Hummel," Blaine had to remind himself to breathe; "Just working on some homework, um… I hope you are well."

Blaine didn't understand the shift in Burt's voice when he answered.

"I've been better, actually. Listen, son I don't want to keep you from your homework and I'd like to speak to you in person if I could; perhaps dinner tomorrow at Breadsticks?" Burt's asked his voice unnaturally serious.

"Of course, what time should I meet you?" Blaine heart was suddenly beating out of his chest, his mind racing.

"Let's say, 6:30?" Burt answered, sounding distracted as Finn's voice came clearly through the phone, shouting for about lack of food in the house. Blaine couldn't help but laugh.

"Perfect, I'll see you tomorrow then?" Blaine answered.

"Great, thanks Blaine" Burt replied and Carole's voice joined Finn and Sam's in the background, it made Blaine's heart twist in his chest to remember Kurt's family and how Blaine wasn't a part of it anymore.

"Of course, any time," Blaine said, his voice shaking again.

"Have a good night, kid." Burt seemed to hear the change.

"You too, Mr. Hummel; Bye" Blaine said and the line went dead.

Blaine's stomach turned over, his heart still seemed to have fallen somewhere below the bed, carpet and floorboards of his room. He spent the rest of the evening staring blankly at his unfinished homework, and he didn't sleep well that night. Before he knew it, the school day had passed and he was driving to breadsticks under the dark sky; the day had gone by so fast it made Blaine remember all the days back in September and October that had dragged so slowly, every second an ache of longing that now seemed so foolish.

All too soon he was pulling into the parking lot of the Sugar Shack, which everyone still called Breadsticks, he parked next to Burt's familiar deep blue SUV and, pulling his coat tight against the cold, entered the restaurant. He found Burt at a booth near the door and they exchanged greetings while providing drink orders to the hovering waitress.

Burt took a deep breath as the waitress disappeared, shifting in his booth while Blaine removed his coats and scarf to sit across from him; certain he wouldn't be able to eat with his stomach in so many knots. They were silent until the waitress returned with their drinks and flitted away again.

"First, why don't we get this out of the way," Burt cleared his throat, taking a sip from the Iced Tea and squaring his shoulders; "I need to know exactly what happened with you and Kurt."

It wasn't a question; Burt's eyes fixed on Blaine who felt his face flush as his heart twisted with his stomach. Staring at the table, Blaine willed himself to speak, he'd decided last night while lying awake in his dark bedroom on the bed he'd once shared with Kurt, that if he was going to tell anyone everything… it mine as well be Burt, the best man Blaine had ever known.

"I made a mistake," Blaine's voice escaped in little more than a whisper, he choked swallowing against the lump in his throat & looked away from the tabletop. "I made a mistake," though his voice shook, he spoke clearly, "the worst mistake I could've made, I know that now. I don't know how I didn't see it at the time but…"

Blaine took several deep breaths before continuing; "After Kurt left for New York, it was like I'd never been alone before. I joined all these clubs at school but it didn't help, I'd never realized it last year, but all my friends, everyone I hung around – Kurt, Rachel & Finn, Mike – they were all seniors, so suddenly it wasn't just that Kurt was gone, it was all my friends. No one took notice of me anymore, aside from randomly seeing Tina or extra GLEE practices; I was by myself, all the time. And I felt alone in a way that I'd never imagined possible."

"At first, things with Kurt were fine – I missed him desperately but he texted me several times a day, excited over some New York discovery or sending pictures of his apartment; and we Skype-d every night like we'd promised." Blaine cut off, taking a long drink of soda.

"But then he got the internship at Vogue and really, I was so happy for him. He hadn't been in New York for two weeks and already he'd drawn attention, already he'd managed to chase and catch one of his biggest, wildest dreams. I mean, Vogue is like Kurt's bible and I was so so happy for him…"

"But…" Burt prompted his face full of sympathy and understanding, not a hint of judgment.

"It was like we weren't on the same page anymore; he lost interest in me in favor of city gossip and Rachel's crazy boyfriend antics. No matter what I said, or did, it was as if he couldn't hear me anymore or I don't know he just didn't care to; it made me feel meaningless. It wasn't long before I was the only one attending our planned Skype dates; then phone calls were ignored, till days passed where I'd only reach Kurt's voice-mail."

"I know, rationally I think I always knew that he was just distracted by his new life, his dream city that he can now call home; I knew it would happen but that knowledge didn't change how I felt. It was like nothing mattered, like I didn't matter, everything I'd ever done for Kurt didn't matter because he was gone, and all the things that we'd promised and planned were left behind with me. So I started to question everything – why was I still attending McKinley without Kurt? Why had I transferred in the first place? Why did Kurt always sound so happy when I was miserable? Whose voice was in the background when we talked on the phone? Was it _really_ Rachel's boyfriend at the house? Was anything real at all? Had we been wrong in thinking that we could make this work? Was Kurt _really _the one for me?"

He took a deep breath and moved on.

"So, I was questioning everything, all the time and I felt foolish for never realizing how much I'd built my life around someone who could forget me, so easily. I know that's not what he was doing, not at all… I know the mistake was mine, Kurt never questioned us… he was just busy building a life for himself, _for us_… but I..." Blaine stopped, the next word lodged in his throat.

"You cheated," Burt, prompted again, and Blaine's heart sank through his toes, burrowing into the floor.

"Yes," He chocked, suddenly nauseated; "Yes, I cheated. I was with someone else."

"Who was it?" Burt asked, his face and voice questioning but still sympathetic, not at all angry as Blaine had expected.

"He was a guy…" Blaine had to swallow against his tumbling stomach, silently grateful they hadn't ordered dinner prior to having this conversation. "He was a guy who friended me on Facebook, he complimented me, flirting and ... he invited me to his house. I had been feeling so foolish… thinking what I know now to be true – that Kurt & I are meant to be together. I felt forgotten, and there was this guy who paid attention to me, and I thought that maybe we could just hang out or… I don't know."

Blaine took another deep breath, remembering the days; his parents forgot him, left Blaine to fend for himself while they saved the world and his brother forgot him when he'd left… he should have known Kurt wasn't like them. However, it seemed, Blaine was like his family, because he'd forgotten too…

Blaine met Burt's eyes again, willing himself to finish.

"His name was Eli; I guess he goes to Carmel High. I went to his place and he put on a movie but… he kissed me before the opening credits started rolling and I didn't stop him. I just wanted to feel…"

"I know, son," Burt spoke quietly, waving away the hovering waitress whom Blaine hadn't noticed.

Blaine drained the rest of his soda and shifted in his seat, feeling suddenly extremely uncomfortable. When he spoke, his voice was heavy with guilt; he took a deep breath and said in a rush, "we didn't um, but - ."

He felt his eyes roll away from Burt's face pass the table cloth to the window next to them; a couple was leaving the restaurant, arms and hands gripping each other against the cold as they made their way to their car. The sight made Blaine aware that he was crying, as tears escaped his eyes, he wiped them away with the sleeve of his sweater, hoping that Burt hadn't seen.

His mouth tasted off, dirty again like it that night; the taste of guilt, shame…

"Afterward, immediately after I… I knew that I shouldn't be in that bed, should never have gone to that house, should never have let… I knew I'd destroyed everything and I knew, unquestionably that Kurt was, always had been the one for me. It was like a slap in the face, because I had just done the worst thing… The worst possible thing as far as Kurt would see. I should've seen that then, the full meaning of my actions."

Blaine's voice trailed off, distracted by his own thoughts; Burt caught his eyes again and Blaine explained, "I tried to brush it off, it didn't mean anything, surely Kurt wouldn't hate me for making a mistake, as long as I told him the truth, as long as I didn't keep it from him then maybe Kurt wouldn't leave me. Honesty had always been the foundation of our relationship, I didn't let myself think of the how badly it would hurt him… I just kept thinking it didn't mean anything…"

"I sped home and booked the first flight out, I'm sure he told you all this;" Blaine stopped, swallowing his voice against the flood of memories. The flight, the teaming streets of NYC (_of course Kurt was busy, distracted, Jesus Blaine! Look where he is!),_ Kurt's smile when he found Blaine at his front door, the way he said Blaine's name and the way he kissed Blaine even though Rachel was pulling them apart… and then, Callbacks, Teenage Dream, their first night together in NYC – all their million possibilities… all tainted now.

"He did tell me, but I wanted to hear your side of the situation as well," Burt said after a moment, patiently allowing Blaine to collect himself. "So you went to New York and you told Kurt the truth?"

"I had to!" Blaine's voice raised too high and loud enough that other patrons turned to look, "It took me hours and a song, our song, I ruined that too… but I just wanted to be with him again for a while before, I wanted him to see how much I loved him before…"

"Before you broke my son's heart?" Burt whispered, finishing Blaine's thought, his eyes wet & strangely distant.

Blaine's breath hitched and he covered his tear streaked face with his hands, all but blubbering when he said, "Why did you ask me to come here, Burt? Kurt will never forgive me; he will never take me back or love me again."

"Kurt will never stop loving you, Blaine," Burt's head shook as he spoke, a small smirk playing at his lips as if he knew some secret that Blaine didn't. "Thank you for explaining, I know it's not necessarily my place to ask but given the circumstances I just needed to know, before I have to do what I'm about to do.."

Intrigued Blaine open his mouth to speak, his heart still beating relentlessly against his ribcage but Burt waved a hand to the waitress and suggested, "Let's take a moment to order?"

Blaine whipped his eyes again, ordered his usual chicken salad; remembering the way Kurt had teased him for it on their fifth date - _"you know this is an Italian restaurant Blaine"_ - and was surprised back to reality when Burt ordered a vegetarian plate from the health section of the menu. The waitress collected their empty glasses, and disappeared around a corner for a second to get their refills before they were alone again.

"Now, unfortunately, I have grave news I have to tell Kurt, and it's not the sort of news a father shares over the phone." Burt's tone was extremely serious, a note of dread in his words and a sigh in his voice. "Blaine, I have Prostate Cancer."

Blaine sank lower into the booth as the room spun against the steady throbbing of his head; he hadn't noticed he had a headache.

"We've caught it early. There's every chance that I'll be fine," Burt shrugged and Blaine recalled how Kurt's eyes would always blaze at his father's airy attitude toward anything health related.

"You have cancer?" Blaine could hardly speak around the words, his mouth suddenly dry.

"Yes," Burt confirmed, meeting Blaine's eyes across the table and taking in his defeated, likely nauseated expression; "Really son, the doctors say it couldn't have been caught earlier and I've already started preparing for treatments. Plus, I _am_ married to Carole," Burt insisted, his amused face breaking into an unexpected smile that fractured Blaine's heart. "She knows what she's doing, and I think she has a mind to keep me around for quite a while."

Burt chuckled, and Blaine noticing the blush color Burt's eyes, couldn't help the feeble laugh that escaped through the tears that he no longer bothered trying to hide.

"As I'm sure you're aware," Burt resumed, his face bright, "Kurt will be attending NYADA this spring, which is wonderful, but unfortunately means he won't be returning to Lima for Christmas next week."

"For the last few years we've all gone to Carole's sister's with Finn and all for the Holiday's but I can't bear to leave Kurt alone for Christmas, and given everything else I've decided to go to New York. My flight is on Christmas Eve, I should arrive around noon so I'll catch Rachel before she sails off with her Dads'. I think I'll bring them a tree, I doubt the two of them risked their perfect clothing just to carry home a Christmas tree."

Blaine thought for a moment of Rachel shrieking about runs in her stockings where _anyone _could possibly _see her _and Kurt insisting that his brand new Marc Jacobs coat was officially ruined on its first trip out. Smiling sadly, he wiped his face again; "No they didn't, I think they just have a little two foot fake tree. It might not even be two feet."

Kurt had sent him a picture of the fake tree, undecorated and folded strangely in a box, that Rachel had brought home several days ago, the caption had said _A Rachel Berry Christmas_. And was followed immediately by a voicemail from Kurt all but shrieking about how Rachel, _Jewish Rachel,_ had covered the loft in hundreds of twinkling lights and ugly wreaths that totally clashed with his flee market decor.

"Perfect, a tree then and his mother's decorations. I'll have to figure out how to pack those, could be tricky... cannot have any of those break... Oh and, you! Of course," Burt said, his voice trailing off as though checking lists in his head.

"What?" Blaine gasped certain he had misheard.

"Well, if it's alright with your parents…" Burt said as he extracted an envelope from his coat and handed it to Blaine.

It was a plane ticket, clearly marked

_Blaine D. Anderson  
Ohio to NYC  
December 24, 2012 8:15pm Flight#316_

Blaine's jaw dropped his eyes suddenly dry as he gaped across the table, speechless.

"_You_ are my Christmas Eve gift to Kurt," Burt explained, his face a mix between happy and very serious; "Since he was little we always gave him one gift to open on Christmas Eve, family tradition and all that. Now, don't get me wrong here, I think messing around with some guy was really screwed up of you, Blaine. Your body, your intimacy is not something to throw around; and I don't forget that you hurt my son."

"But you're still important to Kurt and you matter a great deal to me and Carole, just… you will always be a part of our family, Blaine."

For a moment, they sat in silence, the server appeared with their food and shuffled away quickly without a word; finally getting the hint. Blaine read over the plane ticket again, turning over Burt's words in his now chaotic head.

"I don't know what to say," His voice came out in a whisper as fresh tears hit his cheeks, he had completely expected to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day surrounded by generations of Anderson's while stuffed in his grandmother's tiny cottage. Not in New York with Kurt and his father, suddenly he wasn't dreading the Holiday Break so much.

"Well, can I make a suggestion?" Burt asked, pulling another folded envelope from his coat.

"Of course," Blaine sat up, coughing slightly at his dry throat and taking a sip of soda.

"I know how my son feels about you; how he has _always_ felt about you and I think you do too. I honestly believe that what the two of you share is rather extraordinary; I always have. Now, you made a huge mistake, Blaine, a mistake that cost you Kurt's trust, not his love. And I don't think you should give up on love, I did once, for many years after Liz died, but then I met Carole and..." Burt sighed, seeming to collect his thoughts, "life is full of curve-balls kid, so you took one to the head. Does that mean you're out of the game?"

"Are you?" Blaine gasped, cleared his throat and continued, "Are you saying you _want_ Kurt and me to get back together? Even after?"

"I'm saying I know how my son feels about you, and I believe I know how you feel about him. If I'm right, then you shouldn't let one mistake dictate the rest of your lives, separate or together." Burt said, "I am making a great gesture of faith in bringing you to New York for Christmas, Blaine; please don't make me regret that."

"I would never," Blaine broke in, insistent, sputtering over all the words he wanted to say but Burt cut him off by handing him a folded map with a sticky note on the front.

"When you arrive in New York, ask the cabbie to bring you to that address; it's a park near Bushwick with an ice-rink. Get on the ice and wait for Kurt to arrive, he won't know what he's looking for so you'll have to get his attention: that's on you." Burt stated and then his face broke into a laughing smile, "It's a really good thing Kurt loves surprises because I'd still surprise him every chance I got just to see that look on his face."

"Me too," Blaine agreed quietly with a knowing smile.

They lapsed into silence for a moment as they focused on their food, Blaine had a hard time eating; nibbling mostly on garlic bread. Burt explained the details of his diagnosis and treatments as Blaine took mental notes for research. Then Burt presented another envelope full of Broadway Playbills and together, they choose a play for Burt to take Kurt to on Christmas Eve.

"Will you need a ride to the airport?" Burt asked while the server cleared their table.

"I'm sure I can find a ride, or I'll just leave my car there in the lot," Blaine reasoned, knowing he'd rather drive himself than involve anyone else in this secret surprise.

"Well, let me know, I'm sure Carole would be happy to take you so you don't have to pay for parking," Burt said as he took the bill and reached for his wallet. "Oh, and I almost forgot, the plan is to give Kurt as many of our Holiday traditions as I can while I'm there; the Christmas Eve gift is one, Hot Chocolate at some swanky New York City diner, the tree and Liz's ordainments, a show, Christmas dinner and if he'll permit,"

"Our Christmas Duet?" Blaine asked his voice and eyes big and sweet with hope.

"Yes," Burt confirmed with a smile, "I think you should get to the park a little after 11pm, and Kurt should arrive around 11:30 if all goes to plan; so you'll have a little time and you should pack for few days. I have to fly out on the 27th to DC for some business but your return ticket is for the 30th. I figured there was no reason to hurry back, Rachel will be gone till the 5th if I remember correctly." He shrugged as he signed the credit receipt.

"Thank you, so much" Blaine breathed, his voice heavy, "And thanks for dinner." He indicted the to-go box the server had left and Burt gave a hearty laugh.

"Pleasure, oh and Blaine," Burt said as they pulled their coats on and Blaine looked up to meet Burt's intense gaze, "I'll have told him, by the time you see him," he gave a stiff nod and Blaine understood.

…

Blaine had to wait five days before Christmas Eve; school on Friday was chaos, exams an afterthought to the forth-coming break. Then Sam received his own Holiday surprise when his family turned up for Friday night dinner at the Hummel's, which Blaine joined at Carole's insistence, completely throwing off Sam's plan to return to Kentucky. Sam's brother and sister had grown a lot since the summer, or so Sam kept pointing out and his unexpected merriment at having his family in Ohio again gave Blaine hope for his own Holiday surprise.

The weekend passed slowly though Blaine had plenty to do between packing and cleaning and repacking and last minute shopping and repacking and finding a book for the plane and unpacking because he couldn't take _that_ and repacking after shopping yielded more gifts for Kurt, Burt and Rachel. Or Tina dropping by to talk his ear off about parties Blaine hoped he wouldn't be attending.

He hadn't told Tina or even Sam about the trip to New York or the surprise for Kurt; partly because he didn't want to get his hopes up in case Kurt sent him away the first chance he got. Mostly though, it felt nice to have a secret again, it reminded Blaine of the secret's he and Kurt had had last year.

Moreover, it was clear that Burt hadn't told Sam about his cancer and as far as Blaine could tell, not even Finn knew; only Carole's fussing over Burt gave any indication that she was beside herself with worry. Blaine assumed they would tell Finn and Sam when the time came, and they had to tell Kurt first or he'd hear it from Finn instead of his father. Finn couldn't keep a secret to save his life, not even for five days. Likely, not even for five minutes.

He had spoken to Kurt twice since the meeting with Burt and Blaine was careful not to mention anything that might give him away; still it made his heart ache to keep the diagnosis from Kurt. It made him feel like he was hiding something again and the last thing he wanted was to keep anything from Kurt.

His suitcase was packed and ready by the front door when he left the house Monday morning to join Sam at a nearby hotel with his family. Sam had tried to get Blaine to agree to hang around for the night and the following day, but he had seemed to see something behind Blaine's new deflections and stopped asking.

They spent most of the day in the pool, enjoying the screaming kids while Blaine's eyes flickered to the enormous clock over the door every five minutes.

Blaine had prepared several things he wanted to say when he saw Kurt that night; thought of little else over the past four restless nights and the enormity of his conversation with Burt seemed to ring in his ears, around the pool hall or through the empty walls of Blaine's house.

Kurt's father was seriously ill, after everything Kurt had been through – losing his mom, all the crap he had to put up with in Ohio, getting his heart broken by a stupid foolish boy – and now, Kurt might lose his father too. The thought occurred to Blaine often enough that he didn't dare try to eat for fear his stomach would betray his nerves.

When the pizza's arrived at lunch, Sam cornered Blaine, a towel twisted around his wet hair and in his usual John Wayne voice that seemed to be reserved for his best friend, Sam asked, "Where you headin, Pilgrim?"

Blaine stuttered for a moment and Sam smirked, Blaine knew it was no use, "New York, for Kurt, Burt left this morning…"

"Thought so, how you getting to the airport, Casanova?" Sam asked with a smile, pulling Blaine toward the food his family had huddled around.

"Oh, I was just going to leave my car in the lot, it's not a big deal," Blaine said, taking a seat away from the food.

"Nonsense, that's expensive, I can take you," Sam waved at him, offering a slice of pizza that Blaine politely declined. However, he accepted Sam's offer of a ride to the airport with a smile and Sam stuffed half a slice of pizza in his mouth, making his brother and sister laugh.

Blaine left the hotel just after one to return home for a shower and clean clothes; he unpacked his suitcase again on the pretense of adding the gifts from Sam's family and, wondering if he was expecting too much, removed some clothes and arranged everything on his bed.

Choosing the perfect outfit was impossible, he gelled his hair in front of the bathroom mirror in a pair of navy briefs after coming to the inevitable conclusion that nothing he owned had ever been up to Kurt's standards. Blaine remembered, as he washed the hair gel from his fingers, the last time he saw Kurt, on opening night of Grease at McKinley. Kurt had looked more put together and poised then Blaine could ever remember in a perfectly tailored suit that accentuated Kurt's lean figure, his impeccable jawline. He hadn't been able to meet Blaine's eyes backstage, but he couldn't seem to look away while Blaine performed_ "Beauty School Drop Out,"_ though his face was hard in a way that Blaine had never seen. Angry and hurt and so guarded that it made his heart stop and for a second, he forgot he was on stage in front of hundreds; it was only the two of them and Kurt didn't trust Blaine anymore.

_Relationships are about trust, and I don't trust **you** anymore._ He blinked back tears and focused instead on Burt's advice _don't give up on love. _

At three o'clock Blaine was rushing to refill his suitcase, throwing in everything he could possibly need at the last minute and praying to everything he could think of that he'd need clothes for five full days in New York with Kurt.

Sam arrived after 3:30pm, still damp from the hotel pool and reeking of chlorine. Blaine was switching shirts again when he answered the door and Sam bit back a laugh.

"Hey, Romeo!" Sam clapped Blaine on the shoulder as he entered the house. "You about ready? I wanna get back in time for dinner with Britt."

They collected Blaine's suitcase, working together to get the zipper to close around the piles of clothes, toiletries and gifts before shuffling out to the car wrapped in heavy coats against the wind. The sky grew darker as Sam drove out of Lima toward the city lights in the distance; the sun was setting by 5:30pm when Blaine entered the airport teeming with Holiday travelers. He checked in at a kiosk and moved to the long line at the security checkpoint; to his surprise however, he sat comfortably at the proper terminal by 7pm enjoying a large hot coffee while taking in the decorated airport, the cheer of fellow travelers dragging presents and children and luggage that looked just as overstuffed as his own.

As he waited, Blaine went over scripts in his head, trying to decide the perfect way to get Kurt's attention when he saw the love of his life again. There were so many things and somehow, Blaine knew that when it came time to actually say anything he'd probably be so mesmerized by Kurt's face he'd completely forget every flawless line.

The plane was packed, making Blaine remember the last time he'd flown to New York, trapped in the middle of seat of the middle row in the middle of the plane, as if he was the center of everything when he'd just wanted to disappear. He'd been certain that anyone who saw him could see the guilt and shame written across his face, staining his skin and seeping from his pours to taint even the air around him. So, for the entire flight some 400 people were looking straight at him; they had all know what he'd done.

He was thankful for his aisle seat when his stomach lurched during take-off and he bolted to the lavatory as soon as the seat-belt lights dinged off. Holding his head in his hands, Blaine managed to calm down enough to return to his seat without forfeiting his full stomach of coffee and scones.

The flight took less time than the drive from Lima to Columbus; Blaine read the same chapter of his book three times before giving up and stuffing it back in the bag at his feet.

As soon as he got off the plane it occurred to Blaine that what he'd thought was chaos in Ohio was downright calm compared to the sea of people around him in the terminals of JFK. It was well past 10:00pm by the time Blaine waded through people and checkpoints to an exit and followed a crowd to a line of taxis.

The streets of New York glowed like a gigantic moving Christmas tree, all the colors speeding past as Blaine's heart did somersaults in his chest and the cabby laid on his horn again. Upon arrival, Blaine found a locker big enough to store his suitcase and bag, though he wasted five minutes squeezing the bags into the small space before finally snapping the door shut and stuffing the small key in his coat pocket. There was a short line for skate rentals and as he waited, Blaine checked his watch; it was almost 11:15pm and Blaine's eyes swept back and forth across the park of clamoring people in hopes of spotting a tall man with strawberry brown hair bobbing up the street.

Ten minutes later, Blaine was lazily circling the ice; lost in in a crowd of people, taking in the city around him. Usually he'd be wearing headphones, blasting music loud enough to drown out the din of human interaction, but this evening he was mesmerized by New York City around him, looking strikingly like a Christmas card from some long forgotten time.

He was staring up at the mass of buildings when the group around him dissolved and in Blaine's clear view of the main road, Kurt appeared around a corner; a piece of paper grasped in his gloved hand as he twilled and pivoted in search of the address Burt had sent him to. Blaine took a deep breath and skated to the wall of the ice rink, mere feet from where Kurt stood looking bewildered and curious.

"Package for Kurt Hummel"

****so you got to the end, should I do part 2?** **


	5. Lessons Unlearned 418

**Author's note: this piece is from season 4, roughly around episode 18/19, based in NYC characters includes Kurt and Santana with mentions of Blaine, Brittany, Sam, Adam, and Rachel... **

* * *

The crowded street of Manhattan was bright and noisy when Kurt eased into the flow of foot traffic toward the nearest subway station. He slid on a pair of sunglasses when the sun reflected off all the windows of NYADA behind him, making the pavement sparkle beneath millions of pounding feet; lost in thoughts of the evening.

Kurt started when a hand, bright with violent red nail polish, clutched onto his elbow and Santana yanked him through the crowd toward her, talking as though they were already in the middle of a conversation.

"Would it be so hard for her to look at a clock once in a while? How can she be late every day and keep a bloody job? Two extra hours just to cover for that cow, ugh, my feet are going to fall off."

"Am I supposed to know what you're talking about?" Kurt asked, exasperated, as he tried not to trip down the stairs with Santana hanging off his arm.

"Stacy! The cow who works at Coyote Ugly with me," Santana said, as though it were obvious. "I know I told you about her..."

"The one you're afraid is going to break the bar?" Kurt asked, eyeing Santana as they reached the ticket counter.

She barked out a laugh, "seriously you should see the size of her ass, it's like she brought half of Texas with her."

Kurt couldn't help but laugh, Santana looked so disgruntled and every once in a while it occurred to him how strange his life was, living with Rachel Berry and Santana Lopez, in New York.

"So, I haven't seen Adam in a few weeks?" Santana promoted when they reached their desired platform, smirking at Kurt. In truth, she hadn't seen Adam for more than 2 seconds since the snow days over a month ago.

"Oh, ya..." Kurt answered, clearly looking anywhere but at Santana, a note of forced casualness in his voice; "I'm not really seeing him anymore."

"Oh?" said Santana, her voice feigning indifference.

"After spending nearly four days snowed in the loft with _you_, he had some questions that we had thus far been able to avoid." Kurt's voice was full of accusation. Though he was slightly amused at how much Santana knew about him, considering the nicest she'd ever been to him was to make a slightly complimentary insult.

"Naturally" Santana said, clearly pleased with herself.

Kurt sighed deeply, reminding himself that Santana wasn't an enemy and he had nothing to lose by talking to her.

"As you are obviously aware, I slept with Blaine on Valentine's Day." Kurt stated, trying to avoid the look of approval on Santana's face. "Not one of my best moments, overall... and" Kurt stopped for a moment, pondering his words. "It wasn't fair, Adam was nuts about me but I..."

"Wasn't," Santana offered.

"No... I wasn't. After the snow days, Adam found me at NYADA; he asked me about Blaine and _Come What May_ and all that... I thought that was the end. But after the questions, all he wanted was a date. He took me to a movie; said we'd find the sappiest love story and that would be our story. It ended up being a movie about a girl finding her long lost grandfather, it wasn't about romance at all... it was about pain and security."

"That's a metaphor if I've ever heard one," Santana chimed in and Kurt shot her an annoyed look.

"If you expect me keep talking to you..." Kurt said.

"I know, I know stop interrupting... " Santana broke in again.

"I tired, but I just... I wasn't there; every time I caught myself comparing moments, comparing dates, comparing Adam to Blaine. I tried to stop it, tried to forget the Blaine that had been my lover, tried to remember when Blaine was just my friend; tried to remember him as just that person, the person who didn't want me back."

"Then, I tried to want Adam, tried to get lost in him; but then it would occur to me that I never had to try with Blaine. So, I couldn't deny it any longer, it just wasn't right. Something was missing... I told Adam like three days after the professed _"grand romantic date"_ that I couldn't see him anymore. He didn't ask any questions that time, He must have known..." Kurt trailed off, staring down the subway tunnel but seeing nothing.

"He knew," Santana agreed, as a woman carrying many bags pushed passed her and Santana cursed.

"Thanks to_ you_," Kurt pointed out; raising an eyebrow at her and pulling her attention back to him, in hopes that she wouldn't cause a bigger scene.

Santana smirked, turning her back on the woman now slinging insults at her from the line at the exit stairs.

"What about Blaine then?" Santana asked suddenly, catching Kurt off guard.

"What about him?" Kurt said sharply, his voice harsh and tense.

"He was your _True Love _a year ago," Santana said, her voice simpering with girlish valor and judgment.

"That was before he broke my heart," Kurt shot back at her, hating the smirk on her mouth.

It was Santana's turn to sigh and look away from Kurt before she spoke

"Did you honestly think you and Blaine would just _be_ together _forever_ without problems?" She asked in an exasperated, disbelieving tone.

"No of course not, we always had problems." Kurt considered for a moment, "I just never thought…"

"Sounds to me like that was one of your problems" Santana pointed, her voice low but smug.

"What?" Kurt demanded.

"You never _thought_ about it, _never_ _once_ considered that Blaine might _cheat_ on you? Or that _you _might cheat on _him_?" Santana shot back at him, her voice still laced in disbelief.

"Well, sure I mean, when I met Sebastian I was terrified I was going to lose Blaine; but that was just insecurity and Sebastian wasn't exactly subtle about his interest…" Kurt paused, turning to meet Santana's gaze under the lights on the subway platform and with a long sigh, he continued. "And I can't say I never thought about what it would be like to be with another guy, usually someone specific like that guy who flirts with me in at the coffee shop."

"Or Chandler?" Santana pointed out with a helpful smirk.

"Yes, I suppose him too… but thinking about it and actually _doing it_ are two completely different things," Kurt tried to say as Santana's face shifted to pure judgment so he barely got the words out before he blanched; "What?" he demanded again.

"You and I both know that Blaine never _thought _about being with that guy, whoever he was. Sometimes things just… happen," She shrugged.

"Sex does not just _happen_, Santana," Kurt said in a clipped voice while trying to keep his anger with her in check, it would not help anyone if he started a screaming match on the subway platform.

"Well sure, not for you…" Santana countered, still sounding rather smug, "I bet you never even bothered to fool around with Adam while you were dating him."

"I only knew him for a few months! What do you think I am some kind of_ floozy_?" Kurt regretted the words as soon as he'd said them and Santana's face turned beat red as her howl of laughter echoed against the concrete.

"Clearly not," Santana said as her laughter subsided, "I think you'd still be a virgin if you had never meant Blaine."

Kurt scowled, refusing to agree.

"Do you think Blaine would still be a virgin if he hadn't met you?" Santana's eyebrow shot up and she gave Kurt a significant look.

Kurt's stomach dropped, his head and chest seemed suddenly hallow; again he refused to answer.

"Of course he wouldn't. He probably imagined he'd sleep with half of Dalton before graduating; charming as he is, with his voice and confidence and well, he's sexy – you know, for a dude – I mean, as long as his hair remains properly gelled. He probably would've had to beat men off with a stick, but instead he fell for you."

"And then he cheated on me;" Kurt put in solemnly wishing that Santana would drop this topic of conversation.

"Why?" She demanded, shoving Kurt's shoulder to force him to look at her.

"What do you mean?" Kurt asked, his voice barely audible as he tried to keep up with the conversation while his heart seemed to be searing apart in his chest. He swallowed against the lump in his throat and told her expectant expression, "_He was with someone else._"

The words tasted sour, used and old and dirty; Kurt was suddenly very thirsty.

"Is that all you know? Haven't you asked him why? Who the guy was? Anything at all?" Santana's voice was still demanding, boarding on petulant while her eyes seemed to keep getting bigger as she stared down Kurt like she'd never really seen him before.

"You know he met the guy online and he said," Kurt took a deep breath, willing himself not to cry – not again, not over this, over _him _- "He told me it was because he needed me and I wasn't there."

Well, that was the just of it, or at least, all Kurt could remember of the words Blaine had said that night months ago.

"_Was he wrong_?" Santana asked again, her voice expectant, her hands on her hips.

Kurt stared at her, a dense ringing filled his eyes and for a moment, he had to resist the urge to push Santana in front of the oncoming train.

The subway came to a stop as they stood in silence, Kurt seething while Santana pulled out her phone and replied to a text.

Once the doors opened and they had both found seats in the crowded compartment, Santana began to speak again; this time not meeting Kurt's eyes, talking instead to the add taped and pealing from the opposite wall of the subway car.

"I'm just saying you should consider his point of view as well as your own. When you got here, didn't you lose interest in his high school drama? I know I did with Brit, countless nights I left her waiting on Skype while I was out dancing with new friends or exploring the new city, and I was only in Louisville. I missed her only in the way that I wished she were with me, but it was selfish."

"I wasn't there when she needed support, a friend, or even a lover anymore and soon it started to bother me that she wasn't with me. She should have graduated with me; so I started to get resentful and angry, why was I driving all the way back to Lima to see her when she couldn't even be bothered to finish high school? Why was I going out of my way to talk to her when all she did was remind of my past? Why couldn't I go out on dates with hot college women? I'm not saying it's the same as you and Blaine; but did you consider what it must be like for Blaine to be stuck in Lima, without you... can you honestly tell me that you kept all your promises to Blaine after you moved? To call and Skype every day? To make time on weekends for visit's? To not leave him alone?"

Kurt considered for a long while as the train rattled on, stopping at random intervals to let people on and off. He thought back to those first weeks after he moved to New York in September; all the excitement of his new life, new city, new apartment with Rachel. A new world all around him, and then there was Blaine, back in Lima; but it was more than the distance. They lives, their worlds were no longer in sync, but Blaine had made every effort to stay present in Kurt's life, Kurt had not done the same.

How many mornings had he spent walking through Central Park for hours without ever considering calling Blaine? How many nights had he fallen asleep, unconcerned about the date he had missed? How many times had he hit the red button on his phone instead of the green when Blaine called? All the answers were more than Kurt could handle, stuffed inside his already chaotic brain, so he turned back to Santana.

"When you put it that way... no; I did not keep my promises." Kurt provided, begrudgingly, "because as I've told you, I believed our relationship was solid."

"And how did you expect Blaine to feel? When you were ignoring his calls, trivializing his life?" Santana's voice was still uncharacteristically kind, "Did you really expect him to just sit at home with his thumb up his ass until you decided he was interesting again?"

"I didn't consider..." Kurt began but Santana cut him off.

"Exactly! You didn't consider _him _- as you said, you were focused on yourself and you expected him to just _be_ there, regardless of the fact that you were paying very little mind and ever less attention to him. Seriously, Kurt, aside from the fact that Blaine's roughly the same height as your average house-elf, he's a catch just as much as you are. You've both always had options, did you honestly forget that?"

"I never imagined he would just go to someone else..."

"Because you, Kurt Hummel, would **never** have a one night stand," Santana stated as matter-of-fact and Kurt sat up a little straighter, as she continued, "It's not who you are, you dated Adam for months I'd be willing to bet you never let him get past second base."

Kurt stared at her for a moment.

"It was pretty obvious that you two weren't very physical, for fucks sake Kurt, he slept three nights of a massive snow storm on your _couch_," Santana added helpfully, a smirk on face.

Kurt blushed; he hadn't even considered sharing his bed with Adam, they weren't boyfriends...

"Plus, Blaine told you the truth, Kurt and I don't think you've let yourself see the significance of that. Blaine didn't have to tell you about the guy at all, no one else knew about him. Blaine could of just pretended it never happened, kept it to himself; but he flew halfway across the country to tell you the truth. Knowing full well that you would leave him once you knew..."

Kurt's thoughts lingered on Santana's words and she allowed a short pause before continuing.

"And isn't it better that way..." She asked, catching Kurt's eyes; "imagine for a moment he hadn't told you, the two of you had never broken up, you were still totally and unquestionably in love with Blaine. You probably would've slept with him that weekend he showed up in October, enjoyed the city, the sights, each other. But something would have been different... and maybe you couldn't put your finger on it. Maybe Blaine confided in Sam or Tina about his infidelity. We both know Tina's got a big mouth and a bigger hard-on for your hobbit boy so naturally, she would have let it slip to you."

Kurt shuddered involuntarily trying not to picture the look of utter glee on Tina's face if she had been the one to tell Kurt that Blaine had cheated, knowing that the only arms Blaine would have to cry in would be her own.

"I can see how that would've been worse," Kurt stuttered, pushing the image of Tina from his mind as he tried to even out his suddenly ragged breathing. "But none of what you're saying makes it okay that Blaine slept with another guy."

"I'm not saying it does," Santana railed, "I'm just wondering if you're willing to give up everything you two have for one mistake."

"What like you gave up on Britt?" Kurt shot back. He was quite tired of everyone labeling Blaine's tryst as a _mistake_. You make a mistake on a test or a form or a questionnaire; you make a mistake when writing a check or spelling a word. Sleeping with someone should never be a mistake...

"Yes, I did, and she moved on. Emotionally. Blaine's act was purely physical; Brittany fell in love with Sam. That's totally different..." Santana's voice broke through Kurt's thoughts, dripping with sadness. She did not yell back at Kurt, though he knew it was unfair to compare the two relationships, they really were nothing alike. "Perhaps Britt and I aren't meant to be together after all."

"And you think Blaine and I are?" Kurt tried to rein in his voice, but it still came out short, clipped and angry. "What if I don't want _him_ to be my forever anymore? What if I don't want a soul-mate who would cheat on me?"

"Fair point," Santana shrugged, "but then you know, _of course,_ that eventually Blaine will actually fall for someone else."

Kurt didn't let himself think about it, he'd been avoiding the very idea since Christmas; "and so will I." He stated bitterly, hating the shake in his own voice.

"But you know you'll never love anyone as much as you love Blaine," said Santana as the train rattled to a halt at their Bushwick station. She pushed her way out of the car, leaving Kurt sitting on the hard seat, his mouth hanging open in shock.


	6. Start 216

**_ Start: Their first day back to school after their first kiss_ (2.16 missing piece - this includes an OC named Ben who is just a random student at Dalton with a crush on Kurt)**

Regionals were the next day and Blaine woke up before his alarm; sunlight filtered in through a break in the window shades, and he laid in his plush covers for a moment, smiling to himself. He got ready for school with a new skip in his step. He couldn't wait to see Kurt, and to go on their first real date tonight and mostly, to kiss Kurt again. Blaine had never been so happy to be awake in his entire life.

Blaine spotted Kurt the second he turned into the Dalton Academy parking lot & for a fleeting moment, it was as though he were back in the common room, just about to approach his best friend. But he'd already opened that particular can of worms, so to speak, and now Blaine Anderson had a boyfriend, and not just any boyfriend but Kurt (see also: perfect) Hummel.

Kurt was laughing at the center of about half a dozen Dalton blazers, all of which hung open in the breeze. Blaine fell out of his car, his attention on Kurt as he gathered his things and moved across the well maintained lawn toward the group.

As Blaine approached, he watched Ben reach for Kurt's arm and tug, clearly trying to draw him away from the crowd. Blaine felt a surge of the familiar sensation he was only starting to fully understand; it suddenly occurred to Blaine that he had imagined punching Ben so many times now that he couldn't think of a new way to hit him, so he imagined kicking him instead.

Blaine had never understood why people seemed to think Ben was good looking, he was tall and angular and his attitude made him practically ugly. Plus the way he always pawed at Kurt gave Blaine a horrid feeling, apart from his own jealousy. To his relief, Kurt yanked his arm away from Ben, almost forcefully, flashing his best bitch-face.

"I am never going to go out with you, Ben, so please just stop asking and keep your hands to yourself," Blaine heard Kurt say quietly, trying not to draw the attention of the group.

"Why not?" Ben demanded, his voice annoyingly pleading.

Kurt smiled, his head swayed on his shoulders for a moment and Blaine caught the flutter of Kurt's eyelashes and the quiver on his lips when he spoke again, "I'm taken." He stated with a smile that made Blaine's chest feel heavy and contrarily, made Ben feel suddenly nauseous.

"Since when?" Ben's voice cracked and it surprised Blaine that he hadn't tried to hide the annoying squeak.

"Hey Babe," Blaine said as he reached Kurt's side, sliding his hand into Kurt's and ignoring Ben's presence as much as the rest. "Morning" He breathed, eyes on their hands.

"Good Morning Blaine, you look great," Kurt smiled his eyes twinkling in a way that made Blaine's stomach flip, "That color is perfect on you."

Blaine had chosen the red Dalton issue sweater vest this morning & because the sky was a perfect blue, the air a little warm he'd abandoned his blazer in his car.

"Thank you," Blaine replied, still slightly breathless; Kurt's blazer was laid across his bag on the picnic bench behind the group. The crisp white shirt fit him perfectly, hung from his broad shoulders and skimming his slim chest and waist just right. His pants sat low on his hips were the shirt was tucked in and the red and blue stripped tie was slightly loose around his neck. Blaine was certain, as he had often thought, that Kurt was the most beautiful man he'd ever seen.

Kurt did not miss the way Blaine was eyeing him.

"Blaine, your shoelace is untied and I really want to kiss you again," Kurt whispered, leaning into Blaine so his hot breath tickled Blaine's ear.

"Hmm…" he pondered for a moment, not even trying to hide the fact that he was looking at Kurt's mouth, "I'll take that kiss before I attend to anything else." Blaine was trying to be cute or sexy or something but he felt a bit foolish, he knew Kurt would hear the giggle in his throat.

Kurt however smiled that big eye-wrinkling smile, the one Blaine had first seen yesterday; his bright eyes meeting Blaine's and it occurred to him that nothing in this world, not even the sky, was as blue as Kurt's eyes. Then Kurt's free hand was back in its rightful place on Blaine's jaw and they were moving into each other until Blaine felt Kurt's lips pressing against his own in an action so sweet it made Blaine's knees shake and his head feel like a helium balloon.

Quickly, as if unsure of his actions (which in truth, he was), Kurt pulled away and stumbled back a step, his hand fell from Blaine's face and his wide eyes full still with a kind of glowing shock that made Blaine's heart skip. He'd never seen Kurt so happy, and it was Blaine and Blaine alone that could make Kurt's face glow, his eyes spark.

For one fleeting moment Blaine considered what that meant and how utterly happy he felt before he reached for Kurt's neck, where he was staring down at their linked hands, and pulled his mouth back to his own, whispering "I was not done kissing you," before their lips met again.

"Finally!" Nick's voice boomed across the grounds and neither Blaine nor Kurt heard his gloating over the taste of each other, "PAY UP BITCHES." Around them boys were pulling out their wallets, handing Jeff and Nick wads of cash.

Then Nick was waving the little canister under Ben's nose, "$100 pretty boy, pay up"

But Ben wasn't paying attention; he was watching Kurt melt into Blaine until it seemed to Ben that Blaine's face had been permanently attached to Kurt's face. This was in fact, a travesty. He didn't like this at all; when Nick conked him on the head with a rattling tin can he forced his eyes away from Kurt's mouth, attached to a mouth that most certainly wasn't his own and gave Nick his best _what_ face.

"Your broken heart won't get you out of our bet," Nick said with laughter in his voice.

Ben shook himself in an attempt to return to an acceptable state of mind, he most certainly did not have a broken heart and he absolutely wasn't upset about this new development between Kurt and the musical dwarf.

"Kurt…" Blaine's voice squeaked splitting Ben's attention, again. Kurt was down on one knee in front of Blaine, proposal style, tying Blaine's loose shoelace.

"You started it," Kurt pointed out, eyes locked on Blaine's so Ben could only imagine how blue they must be when Kurt's voice sounded like that.

"Hardly," Blaine whispered and Ben stopped listening.

Because, it only _hurt_ as he had to remove that crisp perfect $100 bill from the pile in his wallet and (un)willingly put it in that prat Jeff's stupid little tin can. He'd only agreed to the bet in the first place because he was certain he'd have had Kurt on his knees weeks ago, working that pretty little mouth around Ben's cock, preferably while the stupid Warblers council watched (and took notes, they could learn a thing or two). But Kurt had proven admirably resistant to Ben and it now appeared that Kurt had a serious midget fetish anyway.

Ben turned away from Nick and Jeff, reluctantly, expecting to find the unfortunate eyesore of Blaine on Kurt's perfect mouth, because neither was currently yelling at Nick for his stupid bet. Instead Kurt's head was on Blaine's shoulder, laughter rolling across his frame and Blaine's face was pressed to the dip of Kurt's neck, like he was taking in the scent of the taller boy; they were still holding hands.

It made Ben's skin crawl, not that he'd ever let himself look so stupid, with anyone… that was, of course, a lie. Because when Kurt lifted his head, sucking down a long breath through galls of laughter, Ben saw the sun glowing out of that impossible face. And he knew that if Kurt's head had fallen to his shoulder, he would've looked just as stupid as the dwarf had and, though he hated to admit it, now he really wanted to know what wonderful scent rested on Kurt's neck.

For the moment, Kurt was catching his breath, trying and failing at suppressing his laughter. Blaine squeezed his hand as he looked around the little group, feeling like some new human in his own skin. He hardly noticed as several boys walked by and dropped bills in the Nick/Jeff Tin can: _for days when Nick or Jeff had been right and the rest of the world was wrong_. It occurred to Blaine that today's bet must involve his relationship but he really didn't care, Kurt was holding his hand and Kurt had kissed him and Kurt was here, and Kurt was his.

Blaine caught a second glimpse of the only unfriendly face in the crowd from Ben; standing closer to him and Kurt than anyone else with a look of unimagined horror on his face. When Kurt motioned for Blaine to follow him to his things as the first bell of the day echoed across the grounds, Blaine didn't hesitate to lean forward and capture Kurt's lips in a simple yet promising kiss.

They gathered Kurt's things and themselves, only unwinding their fingers so Kurt could pull his arm through the sleeves of his blazer. Blaine had the urge to take the coat from Kurt's hands and help him into it before he realized they were being watched by at least two dozen guys and Kurt was already adjusting the collar around his neck.

Kurt's hand returned to Blaine's seamlessly, as though it were natural, normal; like he'd performed this action every day for months; and it occurred to Blaine that Kurt had probably wanted to, many times. So Blaine adjusted his shoulder bag and reached across his own chest to grip the crook of Kurt's arm, squeezing his hand in unison. Kurt looked up at Blaine with wonder and shock and something like love etched across his features. Neither of their legs moved forward for a moment; until Kurt's free hand covered Blaine's on his arm and they walked into Dalton Academy for the first time, as boyfriends.


	7. Failure 404

**(~Author's Note: This is my "headcanon" for what happened between Blaine and Eli C. in 4.04. This is based on the timeline of The Break Up and the flashback in Dynamic Duo's, as well as the character as presented by the writers... Thanks again to all those who follow and read this story. more to come)**

Blaine still couldn't think straight, everything seemed backwards and fractured; currently, he was having issues even driving straight, he should never have stolen that beer from his father's stash in the fridge. But, where was he going? Why was this happening? Why was he alone? Why hadn't Kurt called or answered him in days? Why did everything hurt so much?

He parked his car and approached the house, the only thought in his head was the nearly constant desire to speed up time, distract himself from the crushing loneliness.

He barely knocked when the door flew open and a boy in a plaid shirt and jeans was staring at Blaine approvingly.

"Damn, you are sexy," the guy said; he motioned Blaine through the doorway as he pointed up a flight of stairs behind him; "come on, my room's this way."

Something about that sentence meant something, Blaine knew that; but it didn't occur to him until he had entered the guy's bedroom that maybe he shouldn't have come here. Before he could move, before Blaine could register anything aside from the green walls and the empty bed, a mouth pressed hard against his. It was the wrong mouth, the boy tasted like cigarettes, beer and something else Blaine couldn't identify. There was nothing gentle about the kiss; it was harsh and impersonal in a way that Blaine had never imagined.

Without consideration, Blaine was kissing back; the sensations were all wrong, but their effect was the same and before he knew it the guy had expertly unbuttoned and unzipped the front of Blaine's pants, as well as his own. Then, Blaine's shirt was lifted over his head and they were falling; and Blaine, eyes closed, felt his body sink into the mattress as the guy settled on top of him, the wrong mouth had only barely left his.

The guy wasn't a good kisser, in fact he was using more tongue than Blaine could stand, making it hard for Blaine to keep up; he focused instead on the hot shaft pressed flush against his cock, while trying to ignore the awkward hand; it was over before Blaine had time to consider much else.

Breathing heavily, the guy rolled off him, grunted that he needed some water and got up, adjusting his pants as he left the room. Blaine adjusted, zipped his pants and sat up on the edge of the bed as he pulled his shirt back on, his mind suddenly clear for the first time in days. His head dropped to his hands and he felt the loose curls at the edges of his hairline, suddenly flashing back to another time _(prom night, Kurt's hand's in his free hair)_ as a weight settled, rough and heavy on his shoulders.

What had he just done? What the hell was he doing _here_ in this strange guys bedroom? On his bed? What had he been thinking? And most importantly, most unexpectedly, Blaine's head screamed _what now? What do I do now? _He hadn't considered anything beyond this... Wasn't this little excursion supposed to make him feel better?

Over everything else, one word, one thing, the most important thing in the whole world covered his mind: **Kurt.**

He would loose Kurt for this.

A voice split Blaine's attention, jarring him. The wrong voice, "You okay?"

"No," Blaine said without thought, he was so far from okay.

"Is it because I don't look at all like my profile picture?" There was laughter in the guy's voice; he was trying to make a joke. Blaine's stomach lurched, he was going to vomit, or cry, or both. He had to get out of here.

"I'm sorry, I have to go," he said, gathering up the jacket he'd forgotten he brought and rushing, head bowed, out of the strange house and back to his car. Realizing as he hit the accelerator that he'd never even removed his shoes.

He drove three blocks before he found a suitable place to pull over; there was nothing in his stomach to throw up, but all the same he gagged as he cried.


	8. Making History 216, 222, s2, 302, 306

**(Author's note: the last post made me sad, so I decided to finish this piece that I've been fiddling with for a while. This is meant to be the first 5 significant times that Kurt and Blaine kissed in front of other people. As always, this is in canon and follows my understanding of the show as presented... a huge amazing THANK YOU to anyone who reads this and esp. to those who comment because it srsly makes my day to hear from you. hope you enjoy. I'm working on several pieces so MORE TO COME!) **

**2.16 (after the first kiss, before regional's)**

The first time they kiss in front of someone else, its Rachel of course; they're in Kurt's living room and she's babbling on about how Finn lied to her again and has been dating Quinn_, again._ When Kurt catches Blaine staring at him from the couch, rather than at the shrieking Rachel, his eyes on Kurt's lips with a longing expression obvious on all his features; Kurt doesn't think twice before dipping his head down at a strange angle to capture Blaine's mouth with his own.

Blaine gasps against Kurt's lips, his hands reaching for any part of Kurt he can grasp on to.

The moment is sufficiently ruined when a pillow connects with the back of Kurt's head and Rachel's screaming, "Oi! Real nice guys, I'm not nursing a broken heart over here or anything!"

"He broke your heart months ago Rach, it's your own fault you haven't let it go!" Kurt retorted, sounding a bit harsher than he meant to as he falls next to Blaine on the couch.

"Does that mean it's _your_ fault that _you_ just looked like you're trying to swallow Blaine's whole face?" Rachel shot back.

"He's a better kisser than you are," Blaine stated without thought, simply being honest before he fully registered what he'd said.

"Oi!" Rachel's shriek likely made all the glass in the house strain; but Kurt's voice rang over even hers, laughing as he shouted, "BURN!"

Blaine's face was probably the same shade as Carole's deep burgundy curtains that hung on the wall behind him, but he didn't care. Rachel's voice had reached a pitch that only dogs and small birds could hear, and Kurt was suddenly kissing him breathless.

**2.22 after the Lima Bean**

The second time they get caught kissing is in the Kurt's kitchen, they are both wrist deep in the same mixing bowl, fingers together, caked and sticky with chocolate and flour; five books of sheet music spread out on the counter in front of them when Carole and Burt enter and promptly back out of the room. However, Kurt and Blaine's lips break apart when they hear the two trip over the coat stand in the foyer, giggling like schoolgirls as his dad mentions that he's had a craving for homemade cookies all day anyway.

Neither of them can stop smiling afterward and the cookies, Kurt is sure, are the best he's ever made; an opinion his father, Carole and Finn all confirm adamantly.

**(Early Summer after season 2)**

The third time, though, is the one Kurt hoped to put off for as long as possible, because some part of him knew that Finn's reaction wouldn't be as calm as even Rachel's. However, when it happens, it's so much worse than he ever could have imagined – because when Finn enters the house he's not alone.

He's an hour early returning from the movie, screaming about nonsense with Puck arguing against him when they bang through the front door to find Kurt straddling Blaine on the couch; hands and arms and tongues and lips all melted together. Then suddenly, Puck's cheering, loud _WHOOP WHOOP's_ that echo though the quiet house, accompanied by the DVD menu of CHICAGO trapped on loop behind Kurt.

He almost falls onto the coffee table in his haste to get off of Blaine, who's staring wide eyed as Puck starts to dance against Finn in a grinding manner that is far too suggestive, if not completely uncoordinated. Finn's face is red from his hairline to the collar of his shirt as he mumbles something incoherent before tripping over his feet to get up the stairs; Puck trailing behind him, yelling about food and how the kitchen wasn't _that way._

**3.02 (missing scene)**

The forth time happens in the choir room, the day Blaine's transfer to McKinley is fully official and his class schedule confirmed. To be honest, Kurt thought they were going to get caught at least a dozen times that day; after stealing kissing in three hallways, in the seemingly empty locker room, four times in the auditorium, a truly embarrassing make out in his truck during lunch and again, in two of Kurt's classroom's and outside a few of Blaine's.

It probably would have been okay if Santana hadn't walked in at that moment; the only other other people in the room were Artie, his head buried in a book, Tina sitting on Mike in a corner, lost in conversation; and Quinn, who was staring daggers at Rachel as she took the seat on the opposite side of Finn, oblivious between them.

Kurt had turned to Blaine after they both dropped their bags, together, on the same chair; leaning in without thought he pressed his mouth softly against Blaine's.

Blaine's body froze, clearly in shock before his fingers gripped the lapel of Kurt's suit-coat and he pushed back eagerly. Kurt melted, his mouth fell open and his tongue licked across Blaine's lower lip; the kissed deepened as they both, momentarily, forgot where they were.

That was until Santana's voice boomed in an echo around them, "Hey! The _Queen of Mckinley_ is eating a fairy, LOOK!" She was pointing at them as if on display.

They broke apart as the collective stare of everyone in the room settled upon them and Kurt spun around toward the voice. However, before he could find Santana, Blaine's hand found his and he turned to see his boyfriend move their bags to the floor together as he took a seat before pulling the next chair closer to his for Kurt. Suddenly nothing else mattered and the sound of Mr. Schue entering the room left Kurt to sigh as he took his seat, holding Blaine's hand firmly in his lap.

**3.06 (ish)**

The fifth time they kiss in front of someone, it's deliberate, though they pretend it's not; and Sebastian, sitting across the table from Kurt like he's supposed to be there, seems to know it. It's been a week since they all went to Scandals and Sebastian has tried to contact Blaine every day since; he's succeeded only once when Blaine didn't look at his phone before answering. He regretted it immediately and spent twenty minutes trying to hang up before an unexpected call from Cooper saved him.

But for some reason, in the five minutes it took Blaine to refill their coffees, Sebastian showed up at their table and was clearly being unpleasant to Blaine's boyfriend.

Blaine approached the table from behind Kurt with fresh coffees, as he set Kurt's down among their collective schoolwork spread around their chairs; he bends down. Catching Kurt's eyes to whisper "hi" before he kisses his boyfriend sweetly, in a way that makes Blaine's stomach twist because Kurt's gasps, sucks in a long breath, smiles and flails in his seat before they break apart. It reminds Blaine of their first kiss, the angle is the nearly same and the smile they share afterward makes it clear that Kurt noticed as well; without thought Blaine reaches a hand across the table and Kurt, still smiling, laces his fingers with Blaine's when he sits down.

Sebastian, however, seems to think the whole thing happened solely for the purpose of impressing him, he's smirking at Blaine hungrily. However, Blaine's not interested and frankly, is really tired of Sebastian presumptuous attitude; along with everything else about the boy.

"Could you maybe find someone else to bother?" He says to Sebastian, hoping to make it clear that the interruption and his continued presence isn't welcome. Sebastian smirk's at Blaine, eyes flickering to his hand twisted with Kurt's; then to Kurt's face, which was turned once again to his homework. Perfectly unconcerned, Blaine smiled.

As if on queue, Sebastian's phone rang from his pocket, blaring an obscene song; he left to answer it as though it were his choice.

Blaine turned to find Kurt's eyes on him and he shook his head, sighing yawningly before taking a long drink of his coffee, as Kurt turned back to the book in front of him; tightening his hold on Blaine's hand.

Blaine lifted their joined hands to his mouth and kissed Kurt's knuckles gently, before looking up to meet Kurt's awestruck gaze, "He'll never have me," Blaine whispered, so only Kurt could hear, their eyes locked; "I'm yours, and I always will be."

Kurt smiled faintly for a moment, his face going dark in a way that Blaine was only just starting to fully understand, and then Kurt was kissing him as though his life depended on it, as if they weren't in a crowded coffee house in Ohio. A horrible comment from a fellow patron brought them out of their moment; then out of the shop and back to Blaine's house, where his bed seemed to be the only worthy destination.


	9. 33 percent (404-408)

**Authors Note: ****based on the time-line (LOL what time-line?) of season 4, I believe that "the break-up" which aired on October 4****th****, actually happened on to October 19****th****. This is based on comments made by Rachel about how long Finn had been gone, as well as the implied amount of time Kurt has been in NYC, this piece occurs during 4.04-4.08 & accompanies chapter 1: Reality; as well as the rest of course... thanks for reading, love to hear from you!  
**

The first package returned less than a week after Blaine had sent it, the scarf still folded neatly across the bottom with the _Gilmore Girls _boxset on top, unopened. The only notable absence was the letter Blaine had written to Kurt.

This became the norm, every box Blaine sent came back to him, a large red stamp: **RETURN TO SENDER** plastered across the hastily re-tapped and crumbling cardboard; leaving Blaine with nothing to dwell on but his own words and a million lingering questions.

Had Kurt read the letters? Torn them to pieces? Burned them? Had he kept them? If so, why? Perhaps he carried the folded pages in his wallet? Or were they crumbled at the bottom of a wastebasket? Stashed in Kurt's memory box with all the other letters Blaine had ever written to him? Did Kurt still love him, as he had always promised? Or was this the goodbye they'd never say?

* * *

Kurt didn't know why he'd even bothered to open the first box when it arrived, let alone all twenty-one boxes that he'd received and returned in the month since Blaine had come to New York; he didn't want to see Blaine's name or Blaine's gifts or Blaine's handwriting or Blaine's stupid face in his head. He couldn't think about it, and yet, he couldn't _stop_ thinking about it. _His Blaine_ being with _some other guy_; a guy who always looked just like Sebastian in Kurt's head, no matter how adamantly Blaine had denied it. It made his stomach hurt in the worst way, made it impossible to eat and he worried that he was warring out his DVD of The Notebook. Not to mention severely depleting his supply of Ambien.

Still, there was a part of Kurt that couldn't send the letters back, couldn't resist keeping them; in the beginning he used the letters as a lifeline. Reading them like a love story about someone else, in a vain hope to return to the past.

* * *

(Letter #1) October 20, 2012  
_My Dearest, my true love, my Kurt: _

_I don't know how to begin__, I've spent the three hours since I've been home on trying to find the right words, but... I cannot begin to express how much I regret what I did; I'm sorry that I ever doubted us, Kurt. I'm so sorry for questioning your love for me and my love for you and what we have, and just, everything. I regret my doubts, Kurt; but more-so, I despise my actions; I cannot live with the fact that I've hurt you. Please know that this was never what I wanted and I..._

_I can only try to explain..._

_I should start at the beginning, at Dalton, when we met I was immediately attracted to you; I know you know that. But you were and still are the most gorgeous man I have ever seen; sometimes it actually hurts my heart to realize how beautiful you are, Kurt. _

_Our friendship happened so naturally, which was strange for me because, as you know, I don't really have close friends. The guys at Dalton were great, but they weren't friends like the New Directions; they weren't friends like you. Anyway, when you transferred to Dalton I was so happy to have you there, you are like a glowing force that makes everyone around you want to be better; not for other people but for themselves. In addition, the more time I spent with you, the more I liked you; I just wanted to be around you all the time and my attraction to you grew stronger. Especially as you became more confident at Dalton, safely away from McKinley and that meathead. _

_However, I wanted to stay your friend because I didn't believe in love as you did. You believe in old Hollywood romance, epic Broadway style true love, destiny and all that. But I had never considered the possibility, a gay kid in Ohio? Falling in love? No. I expected to be used and heartbroken and alone for years, I expected to move out of Ohio before anything real happened. I expected to graduate from Dalton... but then, there was you._

_When I fell in love with you Kurt, I fell hard. Really hard. Like roadrunner throwing an anvil on the coyote's head- hard. Like the Hulk falling through a brick building. I had never imagined such a thing happened in real life, until I looked up and saw you. I may as well have been blind before that moment, when I heard you sing Blackbird and the lights came on. _

_We had coffee together that day after school and you let me hold your hand, you were so upset about Pavarotti; you had no idea... I almost kissed you then and there. But there were too many people, and before, I had thought it was about the spectacle of it; the announcement, being able to say to the world "I have a boyfriend!" With you, it was always about us, just us; you and me. I didn't care, or even consider what anyone else would think or say. I just knew I wanted to be with you and it only really mattered to me that you knew that. Plus, I kind of had my heart set on singing with you at Regional's by then. _

_But more than anything, I wanted to do it right. For you, for us. And by some miracle, you loved me back, you __kissed__ me back, you wanted me back, Kurt; and every day that I spent with you, __as yours,__ was the best day of my life. _

_God Kurt! I can't believe I screwed up so badly! Please Kurt; __you__ are all I want. When you left, I felt like the whole thing had been a dream or something but it wasn't, it was real. You are real, our love is real, Kurt and I can't stand myself for hurting you. I felt like you were building a life without me and I don't know why, I think... I cannot believe I did this; I belong with you Kurt. __We belong together.__ I don't know how to live without you and I don't want to, I want what we had; I never wanted to be without you. I just want you back, you are my heart Kurt. Please forgive me, I don't know what I was thinking... I love you, forever. Always. I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry Kurt. _

_ All my love, all my heart, all my life  
yours forever, __**Blaine** _

* * *

In truth, Kurt read every letter many times, the crumbled pages remained pressed together in a folder that fit perfectly in the drawer of his nightstand. The letters were worn, full of blurred words and tear-stains, coffee mug rings across the dates and hasty fold creases overlapping each other; the edges bent, dog-eared and fraying but still, he kept them. And he read them.

He was careful never to remove any of the letters from his curtained bedroom because he refused to show them to Rachel after she had found a new euphoric freedom in dating Brody; as though she hadn't been engaged to Finn mere months ago. It made Kurt uncomfortable and sick to his stomach to have to watch Rachel move on so quickly. Sometimes he imagined Blaine moving on, acting like that, _being with _some other guy so easily; it was no wonder he was having such trouble eating.

Kurt tried to make himself hate Blaine for cheating and lying and then, for telling the truth. He tried to convince himself it had all been a dream, like before when he'd made up the whole thing in his head. He even tried to find a way to forget Blaine existed at all, in a vain hope to make his heart stop hurting with every beat in took. Nevertheless, it was all no use.

So, he made himself busier than ever, staying late at the office, running extra errands, taking the longest ways home, exploring his dream city. Still, he often caught himself reaching for his phone, his finger already on Blaine's speed-dial before he remembered. They weren't together anymore because Blaine had cheated on him; Blaine had _been with_ someone else. Afterward he'd have to retreat to a private corner or a hidden bench to sob until his fingers pruned and his throat ached above the hollow in his chest. To Kurt, it felt like all the oxygen in the world had been expelled, used or perhaps Blaine had just taken every ounce of it back to Ohio after he'd left the pieces of Kurt's heart in Battery Park.

And yet, Kurt read the letters, and then he read them again. Often the first thing he did when he got home was yank the folder out of his drawer or from underneath his pillow, fully intent that today would be the day he would destroy them all and let go of the boy who had cheated on him. But every day he just ended up reading Blaine's declarations of love, devotion and his continuous apologies to Kurt over and over, pretending they were true or that he could believe and trust them, until the pages blurred and he was wrapped in blankets.

* * *

(Letter #4) October 23, 2012  
_To the Love of my Life, Kurt E. Hummel: _

_Last night I dreamed of the last time I kissed you; before everything unraveled & I broke your heart. We were in the doorway to your loft; the bouquet of roses that you would later throw out, was pressed between us and Rachel was hugging me before I'd had my fill of you. _

_But that kiss, Kurt, that kiss was like the first breath of oxygen when you've stayed under water for too long. My whole body was suddenly awake, alive in the way that I'd forgotten about in your absence. I have always known you had a strong effect on me, but in my misery, I'd forgotten... I'd convinced myself during those hours by myself that I had been naive to believe we were special; that what we shared was something truly unique and that no one else could ever make me feel the way you do. I know now that I was wrong, about all of it; I knew it immediately after I made that terrible mistake and I would do anything to take back my actions from that day. _

_I..._

_The first time I kissed you, I was so nervous; I remember being convinced that if it happened, if you let me kiss you at all, it would only happen once. Surely, you would prefer to practice for Regional's, regardless of the fact that I probably wouldn't have been able to sing at all, breathless as I was around you then. But you kissed me back, again and again; you reached for me and I all but melted, I was completely head over heels for you. Already. _

_The last time you kissed me was in the cab on the way to Callbacks, and I froze against you because we had never kissed in a public place that was so crowded, so teaming with life. But you just giggled, your breath tickled my cheek as you reminded me "this is New York, Blaine; we're safe here." And then you kissed me, so sweet and naturally that I almost broke down crying right there; when you pulled away you were smiling that big flushed smile that stretches all the way to your ears. My heart twisted in my chest at that moment, because I knew you would never smile at me like that ever again and I don't want to live the rest of my life without that smile. _

_I'm so sorry Kurt, you have to believe me. I love you with all my heart. Please forgive me, I miss my boyfriend and I miss my best friend… I miss everything about you all the time. Please give me another chance; please let me make this right… _

_ I love you, always_  
**_Blaine_**

* * *

It was two weeks before Kurt really considered calling Blaine; part of him wanted nothing more than for them to work this out and get back together, he missed his boyfriend too; but also, he missed Blaine, his best friend. He had never imagined they would break-up at all and Kurt wasn't finding life without Blaine all that much to his liking. Still, the other part of him, the hollow point in his chest that used to contain his heart, never wanted to hear from Blaine ever again; and yet, he read the letters.

In the end, he didn't have to call Blaine at all; Tina hadn't faltered a moment her duties as McKinley's #1 gossip and thus far, Kurt remained update-to-date on the goings on at his former high school. He suspected Tina often put a slight emphasis on pointing out Blaine in her messages to Kurt, never-the-less, he appreciated knowing about _Grease_, as Blaine hadn't mentioned it or the fact that he was playing _Teen Angel_ (and not the lead?) in any of his letters. Kurt wasn't sure why that bothered him.

* * *

(Letter #17) November 10th 2012  
_My Dearest Love, Kurt: _

_The hours drag by without you, nothing seems real anymore; my dreams are mixing with reality and it's like I'm living through a terrible nightmare where you don't exist. And when you do exist, your eyes are cold and angry as the last time I saw you... I can't get that look out of my head, as if you couldn't stand the sight of me. I feel like I'm a terrible person for breaking your heart and ruining everything we had for something so stupid… and it makes me certain that you hate me, and that you are right to. There was a time when you were proud to be with me…I feel like I'm floating, an abandoned ship lost at sea without my star to guild me home._

_I've spent these weeks apart trying to piece together the days that led up to me making the biggest mistake of my life. I cannot believe how completely I've ruined everything we spent two years building together with a such selfish mistake. It's the biggest regret of my life Kurt. _

_I felt like I wasn't a part of your life anymore; like you were moving on and you didn't want me around, or even to talk to me at all. The more you grew into New York, the further you pulled away from me and I didn't know how to handle it. The loneliness was worse than I had ever thought it would be, so much worse than I could have prepared for; it was stupid to try to prepare for it at all. I should have spent every moment I could have with you while you were still here! I know now how much worse it can get, I had no idea what being alone really was until I'd already lost you; until after I'd done the one thing that would drive you as far away from me as possible. _

_Please believe that I never meant to take advantage of the trust you gave me; I wish you would let me explain in person what really happened... I want us to get past this, I need us to get past this, Kurt; I believe our love is strong enough & I pray you'll give me a second chance._

_I know that I've apologized a million times and the word probably means nothing to you now, coming from me, but I will never stop being sorry for what I did. I'm sorry for being so shortsighted that I didn't see the meaning of my actions until it was too late. I'm sorry for the four simple words that broke both our hearts._

_The moment I saw your face I knew there would be no chance you would understand, hell I don't even understand why I did this. I tried to talk my way out of it, but I knew you would leave me for hooking up with some guy! I had been so foolish, I was just grasping at straws. It happened so quickly and the only thing it changed, in the end, was the way you look at me. _

_Because the fact that we had only ever been with each other was extraordinarily special; I cannot fathom how I forgot that. I only know how I felt and that I was wrong, and that I love you with all my heart._

_I hope you don't return this gift like the others; I found this vintage Marc Jacobs' coat at a thrift shop the other day while I was out with Tina and Marley and I had to get it for you. As I'm sure you would agree, there was no choice; though Tina tried to claim it for herself. I explained that it belongs with its rightful owner and in due course, she conceded. _

_I wonder if you're even reading my letters at all. I hope that you are. I hope that you are reading this and that you know I'm thinking of you and missing you every minute of every day. I hope you know that I love you, Kurt, more than anything. Even if you never give me another chance, I will still love you as I promised. I'm sorry I've given you a reason to doubt us. _

_ Yours, forever and always  
_**_Blaine_**

_p.s. if this box does come back, I promise I will hold onto your coat until you want it_

* * *

Monday, November 12, 2012: **(Kurt)**  
Kurt drops off the package containing the Marc Jacobs' coat at the post office and immediately upon leaving, sends the text to Blaine. Really, if he can give up something as beautiful as that coat, he can give up on some bogus idea of _true love_. He's drafted the message at least a dozen times and like the rest of it, he's tired of thinking about it; it's a new Monday, a new week, it's time for Kurt to follow is own dreams and focus on getting in NYADA. With sure steps, Kurt pressed send as he descended the stairs to the subway that would take him into work in Manhattan; and he couldn't deny that that made him truly happy.

* * *

Wednesday, November 14, 2012: **(Blaine)**  
While the coat does come back, it's been expertly refolded by someone who clearly loved it. Furthermore, the collar smelled of Kurt's colleague and a single strand of his thick light hair told Blaine that Kurt had tried it on, at the very least. In addition, stuffed in the front pocket was a small page from a Vogue office pad; the note, which was addressed to Tina said: HANDS OFF BITCH! With a thick sob, Blaine tucked the note back in the pocket and hung the coat carefully in his closet next to his new Dalton blazer.

* * *

(Letter #20) November 19th 2012  
_My_ _Dear Kurt,_

_I received a text message from you last week, the first in nearly a month; you asked me to stop contacting you, you said "what's done is done." _

… _I almost transferred back to Dalton this week, being at McKinley without you is so hard, everything reminds me of you all the time and I felt like, it wouldn't really matter. But our friends & your brother stopped me, made me remember the last time I let myself believe the real things didn't really matter. Without you, Kurt, it's hard to remember that anything matters at all. _

_I'm sorry, Kurt... I can't give up on us, I just can't. You are the best thing that ever happened to me; you are my soul mate, the love of my life and I can't let that go, I can't let you go; you are my heart Kurt, my whole life, you are the sun and without you my life is cold and dark. I know I screwed up, so much; I broke your heart and your trust. I cheated on you, as you said. I've been trying so hard to avoid that word, I never thought I would be a cheater. When it happened I was so lost inside my own head that I was hardly aware of what I was doing. I just didn't want to feel so alone anymore and all I did was magnify the situation. All I did was hurt the most important person in my life. All it did was make the loneliness worse, because the way I felt before is nothing compared to the way I feel now. _

_Sam says that my mistake doesn't make me a bad person, but I don't see how that's true. What else could it possibly mean? I feel like a bad person, I feel like I never deserved your love at all, like I took something perfect away from you, away from both of us; and it's like, the best years of my life are over now. The years I got to have with you. I will cherish them forever, and I swear I will never stop trying to get you back. _

_Next week is Thanksgiving and Sectional's; I'm really hoping we manage to win because I don't think Finn can handle the disappointment if we don't. You would be beside yourself with rage if you saw the set-list through; I don't know what he was thinking having a show choir perform 'Ganghum Style'. I have a bad feeling this whole competition is going to blow up in our faces, I just don't feel like the new New Directions are ready yet. Maybe I'm a terrible leader after all… _

_Anyway, I miss you more than I can say; and I'm sorry for all the pain I have caused you. I'll wait as long as I have to, but we're not done Kurt. I believe in us. _

_I love you  
yours forever, obviously and regardless,  
_**_Blaine_**

* * *

For a month after the break-up, Kurt returned every package he received from Blaine. Only keeping the letters; most of the gifts were left untouched but the two mix Cd's came back in distinctly Rachel-esq pieces; until Thanksgiving.

The twenty-first box had arrived when Kurt was still at work and Rachel had put it on his bed with a sticky note containing a happy face and the words RETURN TO SENDER in her loopy, over-excited handwriting. Exhausted, Kurt moved the box to his nightstand before dropping his bag on the floor and falling into his bed, kicking his shoes off and burying his face in his pillows. He didn't want to cry about this anymore, he didn't want to think about Blaine anymore at all; but the conversation he'd had with Isabel before leaving Vogue over an hour ago seemed to be playing on a loop in his head.

"_Sometimes it's the not forgiving that holds us back"_

Stubbornly, Kurt knew, he didn't want to forgive Blaine; and why should he? Blaine was just an stupid, idiot cheater who cheated and broke his heart. Kurt didn't deserve that, maybe he'd been a little preoccupied with everything going on but he'd never done anything that would logically send Blaine into the arms of a stranger.

There was something else though, something that Kurt hated to admit was in one of Blaine's letters to him; he missed his best friend. Rachel was fine for the most part, but she wasn't his _best friend_, she wasn't Blaine; she would never understand him like Blaine did. Aside from everything else, because all their marvelous plans and high reaching romantic dreams of their lives together had blown away in the breath of four words; four simple words from Blaine's mouth that seemed plastered to Kurt's eyelids. Everywhere he looked, _I was with someone_. Everything he felt_ I was with someone._

_Blaine was with someone__ else__._

Still, Kurt wanted to talk to his best friend, despite his anger with Blaine; when he really let himself think about, he knew that Blaine was truly sorry for what he did. He knew that he'd never meant to hurt Kurt, and in the tiny moments when he believed the letters, he knew that Blaine still loved him, missed him, wanted the life they had planned, together. He knew it hadn't been a lie from the start, they really had had True Love and perhaps they both took advantage of that.

While Kurt wasn't certain he'd ever be able to be _with_ Blaine again, not that he could truly picture being with anyone else either; he couldn't imagine spending the rest of his life without so much as talking to his best friend again. He fell asleep the night before Thanksgiving, still half dressed, weighing the pros and cons of calling Blaine in his head like jumping sheep. That night he dreamed of Blaine's voice and when he woke in tears he knew there wasn't an option anymore. It was time.

He spent the day cooking with Rachel and Brody, so much for her _"you're the only significant other I need" _nonsense; but it seemed happier with Brody there, at least Kurt wouldn't have to keep Rachel occupied on his own. When a knock on the door brought with it an Isabel Wright approved party of epic New York style, the loft suddenly overrun with music, dancing and some of the most fabulous people Kurt had ever met; the orphan Thanksgiving was in full swing. Kurt hadn't dared to dream it would actually happen and when Isabel showed up, the room exploded in song. Even Brody agreed this was the best Thanksgiving ever.

When he stepped out onto the fire escape with his phone already in hand, he noticed the time and figured Blaine might not answer anyway; the New Directions should be performing right around now. Taking a seat on the steps, Kurt took three deep breaths, staring at Blaine's face on the screen as he pressed dial. The line rang three times before Blaine's voice answered with a clearly shaken, _"Hello?"_


	10. Friendship (206-208)

**(Author's Note: I've been messing with this piece for awhile but, with the help of my perfect Beta, I have finally finished it... this is the start of their friendship. 2.06-2.08. before Kurt transfers to Dalton... as always, thanks for reading and feedback is appreciated!)**

**2.06**

_COURAGE_

It was the last text message Blaine had sent to Kurt and he'd been staring at the letters for what felt like hours because Kurt hadn't responded. Granted they had just met a few days ago and he was probably being insane, or so he kept telling himself but Blaine was worried about the advice he'd given to Kurt.

When the phone rang in his hands, Blaine jumped, startled and fumbled to answer the call from Kurt.

"Hello, Blaine?" Kurt's voice was frantic and Blaine's heart dropped "I'm sorry…" He stuttered, "I'm really sorry, I didn't know who else to call, I… there's no _way_ I can tell my father about this … I mean _god_ he would… god…" Blaine heard Kurt's hand smack over his mouth, he mumbled, broken, and sobbing as he finished, "I know we just met and we don't know each other or anything, but I don't have um, I can't … he just … no, oh god…"

Blaine's heart sank.

"Kurt, calm down, it's fine. Are you alright? Tell me what happened? Did he… Did he hurt you?" Blaine asked as he sat on the edge of his bed, his legs suddenly shaking beneath him.

Kurt thought for a moment before he spoke, taking a deep breath to calm himself; he thought of his father again remembering his heart, going to his father simply wasn't an option. He thought of Mercedes, Rachel and Finn but he couldn't very well tell any of them, and what would he even say to explain, it's not like any of them paid any attention to David's harassment. He couldn't go to Puck or Sam… or even Tina, because then Mike would find out and Kurt couldn't just Out David like that to his teammates, it wouldn't be right.

"No... he um, he didn't, but...he, uh… he kissed me," Kurt stuttered, his voice barely above a whisper & laced with disgust as he tried again to calm down; "I was yelling at him to back off and leave me alone and he…he just grabbed my face and..."

"Oh…" Blaine could hear the shock in his own voice, but when he thought about it, he thought he understood. A face like Kurt's would make anyone swoon, especially some jock hiding in the closet, forced to see that face every day. For a moment Blaine thought of how nice it would be to see Kurt's face every day, he really was very handsome; then he remembered the situation and scoffed though the phone.

"Yeah," Kurt breathed, barely audible, "What am I supposed to do?" Blaine could tell Kurt's hand was still muffling his voice but the broken sobs seemed to be dying away with each harsh breath Kurt took.

"Well," Blaine said, sitting on the word for a moment to think as Kurt calmed down; "I'd say you need to talk to him, clearly he's um, confused… but not alone, Kurt. Do not approach him alone again… um, let's see… I have a long lunch block tomorrow; I'll drive to Lima and…"

"You'd… You'd do that?" Kurt asked, his voice breaking, astonished but clear.

"Of course" Blaine answered without thought. "You drove all the way to Westerville, how bad could it be? Besides I've had my license for all of, like ten days now and I have yet to leave the city, this is the perfect excuse."

Kurt scoffed. "As you may recall, I was meant to be spying," He pointed out, a sigh in his voice as all he took another deep breath and finally started his car; easing out of the McKinley High parking lot.

"And what did you tell your teammates about the Warblers?" Blaine asked condescendingly, convinced of the answer.

"Well nothing… I mean, I should never have listened to Puck in the first place...and I… I was really just curious…" Kurt's voice trailed off.

"Just curious? About an all-boys private school in Ohio, what could possibly interest you there? And you're not much of a spy are you, if you kept all the Katy Perry-esq perfection to yourself?" Blaine joked, but cut off in a rush, "Wait… you know someone named Puck?"

"Ya…" Kurt answered a smile in his voice; "well technically his name is Noah, but it would be wrong to call him that. He's Puckerman, or Puck, if you met him you'd know what I mean."

"Seriously Puck's real name is _Noah_? O that's classic, I have got to tell Wes and David that," Blaine stated and Kurt laughed.

"Wait, you know Puckerman?" Kurt quirked, his voice cracking with shocked laugh.

"Not really, I know of him, I guess. He's kind of friends with some of the seniors at Dalton," Blaine said because he couldn't very well admit that he knew Puck from Fight Club.

"He's actually a great guy, which is so weird for me to say considering he was throwing me in dumpsters and trying to give me swirlies a year ago." Kurt said with a chuckle.

"What changed him?" Blaine asked sounding impressed.

"He joined our Glee Club, I imagine at the time he did so to be closer to Quinn and the baby," Kurt explained as he turned onto his driveway and cut the engine.

"You attend a very _interesting_ school don't you?" Blaine pointed out with a note of mocking in his voice.

"Only when Puck is around," Kurt laughed, realizing just how true that statement was, "It was so weird when he was in juvie a few weeks back, like the school was almost quiet."

Blaine's laugh through the phone made Kurt's heart skip a beat as he got out of his car and made his way to the mailbox.

"O! Fabulous!" Kurt's voice was suddenly bright and happy, as Blaine had yet to hear.

"What?" Blaine asked with a chuckle.

"O… I just got a magazine in the mail" Kurt explained his voice excited "reading the new Vogue cover to cover is sure to make my night."

Blaine smiled into his phone, "I noticed your clothes the other day, figured you must be into fashion. I miss it, being able to wear what I want instead of being stuck in the same Dalton uniform every day. I have an extensive collection of bowties that are simply going to waste, it's not right."

"I don't know if I'd be able to handle someone taking away my wardrobe" Kurt admitted in a considering tone and both boys laughed. "At least the blazers aren't so bad," he added and Blaine barked out another laugh

"O please," Blaine managed through another laugh "You and I both know the Blazers are the worst part."

"That red and blue together is truly a travesty," Kurt admitted, shrugging his way into the house.

"Kurt!" The voice came through the phone in an octave at least fifteen decimals lower than the boy he was talking to and Blaine stopped, choked off the laugh in his throat.

Blaine waited as a few muffled words were exchanged before Kurt's voice returned to the phone.

"Um, Blaine?" Kurt questioned, "I need to go help with dinner…"

"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow around 12:30 then?" Blaine asked glancing at the clock, surprised to find that it was nearly six.

"I can't thank you enough…" Kurt said, voice heavy.

"Honestly Kurt, it's no problem at all, I'm happy to help," Blaine said with another smile as they said their goodbyes and the call disconnected.

* * *

**Lunch after they confronted Dave: 2.06**

"So, what year are you?" Blaine asked as he and Kurt slid into an open booth with their drinks. The tiny Diner on the main strip in Lima was crowded for lunchtime and they were clearly the youngest two people in the building.

"I'm a junior, you?" Kurt said, hoping his voice didn't betray his sudden nerves. He had met Blaine less than a week ago and already this guy had helped him, stood up for him, been there for him in a way that no one else had ever been, and now they were sharing a meal together.

"Sophomore," Blaine answered automatically, taking a drink of his soda.

"If you don't mind my asking," Kurt began cautiously, not sure the best way to approach this question, "how old were you when you came out?"

Well, I was a freshman," Blaine thought for a second, "it was like October or November I guess, so just over a year ago. It was about 2 weeks before I turned 15. What about you?"

"I came out last year at the end of September," Kurt stated without thought, surprised by how easy it continued to talk to Blaine; especially about something so personal, "I told my friend Mercedes first and then I told my father."

"How did he take it?" Blaine asked curiously, his eyes growing wider.

"Well…" in hindsight the conversation made Kurt laugh, "I said 'I'm gay' and he said 'I know…"

"Wow!" Blaine breathed, impressed as some new emotion Kurt didn't recognize broke across his face.

"Apparently he's known since I was three," Kurt explained with a shrug.

"And he's like, cool with it?" Blaine asked his voice still quiet, stiff and his wide brown eyes seemed glued to Kurt's face.

"He doesn't love the idea or anything and we've had a few bumps in the road," Kurt went on, "but we've always been really close… He says that it's my job to be who I am and it's his job to love me."

Blaine sat frozen for a moment, eyes impossibly wider as his face betrayed the flood of emotions coursing through his body; this time Kurt noticed, "Your father, he's not?"

"No," Blaine's voice escaped him in a much harsher tone than he'd intended, he cleared his throat before continuing; his voice calm but bitter. "My Father is not okay with my sexuality in any way. He's not really okay with me most of the time anyway, but the fact that I like guys was just the cherry on top...and besides, he already has his perfect prize son."

"I'm sorry."

"My mother supports me as best she can… but she says she doesn't _get _it," Blaine said, his voice and manners suddenly exasperated.

"Family," Kurt offered, searching for a way to change the subject because it didn't really seem like Blaine wanted to talk about his parents.

Blaine just nodded, his attention on his glass of soda.

"How many siblings do you have?" Kurt asked a moment later.

"Just Cooper, he's older than me, like a lot older. Over eight years so we're not close or anything." Blaine said with a smirk, "He can be kind of a tool, my brother… do you have any brothers or sisters?"

"Not really, I just have Finn, his mother is dating my father & we go to school together." Said Kurt, "Carole and my Dad have been dating for over a year so we're… like a family I guess."

"That's kinda cool," Blaine said, intrigued.

"Ya, it's good now, at first it was weird…" Kurt continued before he realized this topic of conversation could not lead to anything good. "I expect my dad will marry Carole soon enough anyway. And Finn's a good guy, bit of a dolt sometimes and he spends way too much time yelling at football games."

"Well we're all guilty of that," Blaine put in with a sly smile.

Kurt gave Blaine a sheepish look, shrugging and rolling his eyes slightly.

"Or not, Blaine said with a laugh.

"Not really into sports myself, though I was kicker on the school football team for about a week last year," Kurt said, expecting the response.

Blaine stared at him for a moment, beside himself.

"Hey don't stereotype me!" Kurt shot back , exaggerating his natural flamboyance before breaking into a laugh that Blaine joined.

"Why'd you quit?" Blaine asked as they both caught their breath.

"The helmet did horrible things to my hair," Kurt said as though it were both extremely obvious and offensive.

Blaine barked out another loud laugh. "I imagine, I love football but I prefer to watch than play, I'm much too small for contact sports."

Kurt smiled, eyes racking over Blaine so the shorter boy blushed as he drained his glass of soda.

"And I'm far too pretty," Kurt stated matter-of-factly, blushing fiercely by the time Blaine's roaming eyes met his.

"Which is why I'm here, apparently," Blaine offered with a wink as his foot hit Kurt's playfully under the table so that Kurt's stomach swooped in a way that he'd never experienced; "I'm sorry about that guy, Kurofsky, stealing your first kiss like that… that's, really lame."

"I can only hope he will leave me alone now, but something tells me he won't," Kurt said, his eyes on the table because when he really thought of how his first kiss had been with that meat-head… it made him sick to his stomach. Sixteen years of waiting for it, dreaming of it, imagining what it might be like and in the end, it wasn't even with a guy he liked or had ever wanted to kiss. It wasn't romantic or sweet or even good, it was hard and mean and dirty in a way that made Kurt uncomfortable in his own skin.

"Probably not, considering he's got a big gay crush on you," Blaine said, after a moment a note of concern hidden beneath the amusement in his voice.

"Ewwwwww, that is so disturbing, I can't even handle it. Just _no_," Kurt couldn't help but cringe at the thought, the very idea made him wince; not only was Dave apparently hiding in the closet, as gay as Kurt, but he was also, apparently attracted to Kurt. "He is not my type!" Kurt stated so matter-of-factly that both he and Blaine were laughing again when the server appeared with their sandwiches.

They spent the remainder of their lunch breaks eating and chatting while keeping an eye on the time; Blaine dropped Kurt back off at McKinley High just as a bell sounded through the campus. Hastily, Kurt gathered up his bag and exit Blaine's car, but before he could turn to close the door behind him, Blaine had leaned across the front seats.

"Um, Kurt?" he asked, a note of apprehension in his voice.

"Yeah?" Kurt met Blaine's eyes with a hopeful smile, which Blaine returned before he continued; his voice much more controlled.

"Would you want to go see a play with me sometime? I know this great playhouse not far from here and I never have anyone to go with…" Blaine trailed off, blushing slightly.

Kurt felt the blush color his own cheeks as the smile spread wider across his face and he nodded, "Absolutely," he said, breathless, "I'd love to."

"Great!" Blaine bounced back into his seat and Kurt would have found it ridiculous if it hadn't been so adorable; "I'll call you later! Bye Kurt!"

As Kurt was waving Blaine out of the parking lot, a second bell rang across the campus behind him; he hurried into the deserted hallway and darted to class, unable to wipe the smile off his face.

* * *

**2.07**

_I am going to kill you_

It was as if the words had suddenly been painted, graffiti-ed, drawn, sketched, marked into every surface around him. Kurt could only stand, rigid, his fingers gripping the strap of his shoulder bag; staring around as the words Kurofsky had said really sunk in. Kurt didn't doubt for a moment that David was capable of it, he'd probably do him in without really meaning to, his fear and anger and resentment and whatever else he had inside him would overtake his build and then he would overtake Kurt. And Kurt would be powerless against him.

Kurt swallowed hard against the knot in his throat, and realizing he was alone in the empty corridor, sprinted to his final period French class…

After school, he'd planned to meet Blaine for coffee and he wonders if the other boy will notice the frantic sting in his eyes that Kurt hasn't been able to get rid of since 2 o'clock. None of his fellow New Directions members noticed his new heightened paranoia, constant flinching and eyes darting between the doors to the classroom like David might be watching now. But he somehow knew he wouldn't get off that easy with Blaine; from day one that boy could read Kurt's face like a book.

"Hey Kurt, you look great! I love this blazer; my god that texture is… what happened?" Blaine's face shifted from bright and happy to deep concern and empathy as soon as he reached Kurt.

"Let's get our coffees first," Kurt instructed, his voice more dead then he'd realized which made Blaine bristle beside him and shift closer to Kurt in line.

"Are you okay?" Blaine asked in a whisper because he couldn't sit on the question, even for a second.

Kurt glanced quickly to Blaine and nodded, a jerk of movement, almost indiscernible with the way he held his body so rigidly upright, it made Blaine feel more uneasy. After getting their orders, Kurt walked pointedly past their usual choice of tables to a smaller sitting area hidden away from the windows. They picked a small table and Kurt looked around twice before sitting next to Blaine rather than across from him; Blaine waited for Kurt to speak.

"He, um… Kurofsky, he grabbed me," Kurt visibly shuddered, and took a sip of his coffee before continuing; "... at my locker… he asked me if I told anyone else… um, what I told you…"

"You mean that he kissed you?" Blaine stated, already feeling the bile rise in his throat when Kurt shivered; without thought Blaine took Kurt's free hand in both of his and waited for Kurt to finish.

Kurt nodded again, another stiff jerk of his head, and in a rush of breath said, "He said if I don't keep my mouth shut he would… he said… he… threat… threatened"

"What?" Blaine's voice escaped him slightly higher and louder than he'd meant for it to and he bristled again, apologetic, he gripped Kurt's hand tighter. A few people in the shop looked to their table and Kurt turned to face Blaine, whispering again.

Kurt took another deep breath and lifted his eyes to Blaine's, _courage, _he thought_;_ his voice hitched as he spoke, "He said he would _kill me_ if I told anyone else."

Blaine's eyes grow impossibly wide at Kurt's whispered, stuttering confession, "He what…?"

"I..." Kurt couldn't think what to say while trying so hard not to cry in front of Blaine, again; he was momentarily distracted by the sight of his left hand cradled between Blaine's soft hands.

"Tell your father," Blaine stated suddenly, absolute and Kurt's attention returned to the conversation.

"I can't, not with his heart, I mean god… he's supposed to be resting! Not stressing over whether or not I will live through the bloody school day!" Kurt was having trouble keeping his voice down, "and Blaine… I… I honestly think he's capable of going too far; he's motivated by fear of himself. Nothing more, he came at me saying _I kissed him_... I think he's scared enough of all the things he's feeling to really hurt me! He's huge! What hope would I have to even defend myself… no... It's better if I just leave it alone, if I mention a … death threat, they'll be questions…"

"As there should be, Kurt… you can't. I mean, if something happened to you…" Blaine cut off, slightly overcome with an emotion he didn't fully understand and unsure of what he was trying to say, he released one of his hands from Kurt to reach for his coffee as he finished; "I think your father would want to know if someone's has _thr__eaten your life_, Kurt."

Kurt stared at Blaine for a moment, his expression unreadable as Blaine took a long drink of his no longer hot coffee. He hadn't missed how Blaine shuddered, his eyes glistened slightly at the thought of something happening to Kurt; but then he knew that Blaine was right about this. And yet, his father was still the last person Kurt wanted to burden; "I... you're right... he would be more upset if I didn't tell him... I just... can we just talk about something else for a while?"

Blaine looked at Kurt for a moment, surveying him "Are you sure you're alright?"

"Ya, I feel much better now that I'm out of that school." _And with you_, Kurt finished to himself, feeling nothing more than Blaine's hand in his under the table.

"But you have to go back tomorrow..." Blaine pointed out, catching Kurt's eye again. "Find a way to tell your father, Kurt, before Kurofsky can get near you again."

Kurt nodded, still rigid and Blaine stared for a moment, wishing he could just make Kurt relax enough to smile; then he remembered what he'd been about to say when he entered the coffee shop, "You'll appreciate this, Thad got a singing telegram at lunch today from his girlfriend for a one week anniversary."

It had the desired effect, Kurt gasped for air, nearly sputtered out his coffee as an amused smile spread across that impossible face; "For a week..."

"Ya and he got shit for it all day because the group was really really awful," Blaine forced a laugh, remembering the horrible scene from lunch, "It was four guys and a girl; for a moment I thought the girl was that little Jewish friend of yours, looked just like her… even had a reindeer sweater on…"

"You mean Rachel," Kurt supplied, feeling himself relax with his eyes on Blaine.

"I wouldn't be surprised if it was her," Blaine offered.

"Not possible, she has a truly amazing voice, that girl" Kurt signed knowingly, "Kind of like you, I suppose; you can both take any song and make it work for your voice…"

Blaine blushed but Kurt missed the action as he tipped his coffee back again.

* * *

**2.08**

It was four days later, in the wake of the excitement of Burt and Carole's engagement that the moment presented itself to Kurt. While Kurt was giving dance lessons to Finn and his father; Kurofsky had walked by the Glee classroom and made an obscene, of sorts, gesture the moment Finn took Kurt's hand; Burt did not miss the action.

But it was Blaine's voice in Kurt's ear _find a way to tell your father, he'd want to know if someone threatened your life, _that made him say it. He knew his father would read the lie in his face, he never could tell part of the truth to his dad, but then Kurofsky passed by the other door, in the opposite direction of his next class. Taunting, he was circling Kurt, a dare and so Kurt spoke very fast_ he threatened to kill me_ and Finn's voice broke the sudden silence, shock; but Kurt's father had turned on a heel and bolted from the room, heading straight for Dave.

Kurt called Blaine when he got home that day; "Hey Kurt!" said his favorite voice. "How was your day? Did you figure out which dress design to use for the girls?"

Kurt started for a moment, remembering their last conversation about the wedding and answered quickly, "I decided to let the girls pick their own designs in the same shade of red, since they are all so different I think it'll give the wedding party more character. But um, Blaine I…" Kurt faulted and Blaine dropped the socks he was folding "I told my father" _a beat_ "about the threat."

"Good! That's good what happened?" Blaine's voice turned serious.

"We have a meeting with Principal Sue tomorrow, with Dave and his parents, I guess;" Kurt said, but the thought of being in an office with Dave make his skin crawl.

"Also good," Blaine said, plainly waiting for Kurt to continue.

"But, Blaine… won't they, I mean, they're going to ask me why, ya know. What happened to make him... do that," Kurt began, his voice trembling slightly, "and I don't want to just _Out _David to his parents and probably the whole school. He's not ready and it wouldn't be right or fair, it's not his fault."

"I don't think they'll question you too much Kurt, not with a threat like that;" Blaine assured, taken aback by Kurt's compassion for his bully. "And you said he's gotten physical before, so?"

"But I can't prove that he ever touched me," Kurt said, his voice hard, "plus some of the guys already cornered him and told him to back off. Now Sam has a black eye, and that's… I didn't ask them to do that. I don't expect anyone to fight my battles for me."

"They were just trying to help, Kurt;" Blaine offered, "You shouldn't feel responsible for the fact that your friends wanted to stand up for you, they are your friends for a reason and please tell me Sam got in a good punch, too."

To Blaine's relief, Kurt squeaked out a soft laugh.

"Ya, he did; Dave's got a bruise on his jaw," Kurt sighed, and Blaine imagined he could see Kurt shrug through the phone.

"And just think, by this time tomorrow it'll all be over," Blaine pointed out helpfully, "and whatever happens you're not alone, Kurt. I'm just a phone call away."

"Thank you, Blaine; really, thanks. I'm so glad I met you." Kurt said without thought, certain that Blaine would somehow see his blush through the phone.

"So am I," Blaine agreed, smiling.

"Anyway," Kurt said, breaking the strange but comfortable silence; "once I finally got to teach Finn how to slow dance he actually wasn't half bad. Which considering it's Finn, is really saying something."

Blaine laughed, relieved to hear the change in Kurt's tone; "Is he really that bad?"

"No, he is much _much_ worse," Kurt assured in a voice so deadpan the both boys were still laughing five minutes later when Blaine's mother called him down to dinner.


	11. Patience (410 cont)

**Authors note: for those of you who asked, and commented and are awesome! this is the continuation of the "Health and Healing" chapter, this piece occurs after episode 4.10 – basically December 30/31? 2012 - as always feedback and sharing is welcome. Thanks to all my readers! you guys rock! **

* * *

Four days after Christmas, Blaine lay awake on the couch in Kurt's apartment; it had been steadily snowing for hours, as the sun rose over New York and Blaine couldn't sleep. This would be his last day in New York, and in the quiet of the early morning, Blaine could do nothing but think. There seemed to be a million things he wanted to do with and for Kurt before leaving, but the odds of any of them happening when Kurt needed to work, either at Vogue or at the diner of Fire Island, were fairly low.

With a sigh, Blaine remembered that none of those things would be what he really wanted; the lumpy flea market couch was a very harsh reminder as to why.

The first two nights when with Burt here, Kurt had slept in Rachel's room, given Burt his bed and made up the couch for Blaine. It had been mere foolish hope to imagine he would be welcome again in Kurt's bed after his father left.

It bothered him more that he didn't know how long it would be until he saw Kurt again after tomorrow.

Blaine wanted, more than anything, to be Kurt's boyfriend again; to have the life they had planned together, New York and marriage and kids and jobs and all of it. Every cell in his body ached to be in Kurt's bed, cuddled up with Kurt, to be able to lean over and kiss him again. He'd lost count of the number of times he'd thought Kurt might kiss him since he'd gotten here, but it hasn't happened once and Blaine is too afraid of the consequences to make the first move this time. Worse than rejection, he didn't want to do anything that might make Kurt run away from him ever again.

As Blaine laid there, lost in thought, Kurt's alarm went off from behind the curtain wall and he froze at the sudden noise. There's a muffled groan, as if Kurt had his face pressed into the pillow and the next second, the ringing cut off.

* * *

Kurt shuffled out of his room a few minutes later to find Blaine standing over the coffee maker, looking as though he hadn't slept.

Blaine yawned as he tried to say, "good morning."

"Morning," Kurt said drowsily, opening a cabinet to pull out two mugs, "Sleep okay?"

"Um," Blaine met Kurt's eyes as the cabinet snapped shut, "not really, I… that couch is a bit lumpy, and I'm not used to all the lights and noise of the city yet," he shrugged because they both knew that wasn't really the reason.

"It took me a good month to get used to the sound of so much traffic all the time," Kurt offered, opening the fridge to sort through Rachel's assortment of cranberry juices to find the milk; with a slight hitch in his voice, he continued, "and I haven't slept much since Christmas Eve."

"Ya," Blaine whispered, his hand falling to the back of one of the kitchen chairs, they hadn't discussed Kurt's father yet; now seemed to be their last obvious chance. They both sat down together, Blaine placed the coffee pot on a star-shaped mat on the table after filling both cups the proper amount.

Kurt set to mixing his with milk and sugar before he took a slow sip; he get the cup down gently, his hands shaking as he looked across the table.

"Blaine, you know how my dad is with his health, after my mom, and, if you really want to help keep an eye on him for me," Kurt said this so fast he was forced to pause to catch his breath. "I won't be able to go to the appointments with him and hear any of it for myself! It'll drive me mad if all I have to go on is my father's nonchalant, vague answers, and Carole's reassuring tone. I need things I can look up online, solid facts that I can understand…"

"I know, Kurt," Blaine put in, placing his free hand on Kurt's across the table, his damp eyes made Blaine's heart ache. "I'll take notes and ask the doctors any and every question; I'll send updates as often as you want or whenever I can."

"Whenever you can," Kurt said, taking a long drink of his coffee before continuing; "I'll want an update every day, I mean, he's my dad! I can't believe this is happening, and how, I mean... when did he even tell you?!"

"Five days before we came here," Blaine said automatically because he had been keeping track, day 10: Burt has Cancer.

Suddenly Kurt pulled his hand out from under Blaine's, looking extremely put out. Blaine hastened to explain; "Kurt, your father only told me because he couldn't trust Finn or Sam not to let it slip and he didn't want you to hear it from anyone but him. He made me promise not to tell you. He knew it couldn't be over the phone; so, Carole's the only other person who knows and she assured me that they really did catch it early, stage one. And well, when Burt and Carole heard Rachel was leaving with her dads they agreed you shouldn't be left alone on Christmas. So your dad invited me to dinner, ya know, to give me the plane tickets and all and he asked me about…everything. We talked, for a while and…" Kurt still had an odd, angry expression on his face, and he was clearly avoiding looking at Blaine.

"Okay," Kurt sighed, turning back to him with fresh annoyance covering the pain in his eyes, however, he no longer looked angry, "I get it, he told you because he trusts you." He drained the rest of his coffee, and his hard eyes returned to the table as he mumbled, "I gotta get ready for work."

Blaine sat frozen, awestruck, and bewildered; watching Kurt's disappear into the folds of his curtained room again before he'd put the pieces together. Burt trusted Blaine and Kurt did not.

When they left the loft an hour later, both of their eyes were bloodshot, but they pretended it was due to lack of sleep or the cold, and not each other.

* * *

Blaine spent the hours of Kurt's shift at the diner trying to explore Fire Island on his own, but he kept finding himself back at Kurt's work; watching him through the window until he came outside with a soda or a sundae, always shaking his head. Unlike those few weeks when he worked at the Lima Bean, Kurt rarely offered Blaine more than a friendly smile.

Kurt's shift ended after lunch and they spent the rest of the limited daylight bouncing around the city, after finding lunch near central park, they took a subway to 5th Avenue so Kurt could catch a glimpse of the new designer shoes for the spring collections that always started popping up this time of year.

After a fair amount of overzealous window-shopping; they cut across Rockefeller Center, stopping briefing to watch the people ice-skating and Kurt pointed out the different TV studios in the surrounding buildings.

When they reached Radio City Music Hall, Blaine stopped so abruptly that Kurt had to wheel around and double back. That was the first time since his arrival that Blaine had gotten a full, genuine smile out of Kurt; as he shook Blaine's shoulder slightly, he stepped into Blaine's line of vision so the Radio City lights flashed off his skin in the setting sun.

"It'll be your name on that marquee one day," Kurt said matter-of-fact, pulling on Blaine's arm until his feet started moving again.

"You still believe that?" Blaine asked shock clear in his voice.

"Of course I do," Kurt said but he dropped Blaine's arm, "I've always believed in you, Blaine. Us being together or not will never change the fact that you're breathtaking on stage."

The word choice struck a chord in Blaine's heart and as he and Kurt turned a corner onto a less crowded street, he voiced the question that had been on the tip of his tongue since Burt gave him the tickets. "What did you do with the letters I sent?"

"What?" This time Kurt was the one who halted in the middle of the sidewalk, causing a man on his cellphone to stumble passed, cursing.

"I just, I just wanted to know because all the gifts were returned, even the vintage McQueen jacket," Blaine stuttered, a sudden panic gripping his throat; "and I wondered if you read them or burned them or used them to stuff your ears when Rachel got too loud or?"

Kurt's expression had fallen at Blaine's words, his cold eyes stared at Blaine for what felt like a long time as people baffled around them and the sky darkened further.

Eventually, Blaine was the one to break the silence, "I'm sorry, I should never have asked. I just thought maybe, if you had read them maybe you'd believe how sorry I am and then, maybe you'd want back what we had as much I as do."

"We can never go back, Blaine," Kurt's voice was exacerbated, annoyed as if this should be obvious; he crossed his arms over his chest and turned on his heal to continue up the street toward the subway station. Blaine caught up with him and several minutes of heavy breathing passed before Kurt continued; "It's not like we can just get back together and _**be **_what we were a year ago. We're not the same anymore, Blaine. I mean, you've been with someone else and I got my heart broken and we can't ever change that, just... what we had before, that's done, it's over." Kurt cut off, his face frozen but Blaine saw his lips twitch, as if he was fighting tears; "You're my best friend, that's all I want from you right now."

"Oh," Blaine's voice hardly made a sound and they walked in silence for the last ten minutes to the queue of passengers headed down to the subway platform. As they waited set back a few feet from the crowd, Blaine turned to Kurt, his voice breaking through his tears; "Okay, when you put it like that, um, ya I can see how that's… we're different now. I'm sorry I asked, I don't want us to spend the night fighting. I shouldn't have brought it up, I'm just I am so so sorry Kurt."

"I know," whispered Kurt, his eyes on Blaine's face as the platform rang with sounds of the oncoming train.

Neither of them spoke much on the ride back to Bushwisk; the subway car was so crowded that they were forced to stand crammed against each other awkwardly gripping the same balance bar. Blaine had to avoid looking at Kurt as the subway car rattled and jerked them against each other, forcing a level of intimacy they had thus far managed to avoid. Kurt stood rigged as possible, feet set as tight as his jaw because seeing and talking to Blaine was one thing, being pressed flush against his shifting body was another thing entirely.

The tension between them only ebbed when Blaine faltered in letting someone squeeze passed him and tripped backward over Kurt's foot. Kurt caught him around the waist and steadied him with a giggle in his voice as he noted Blaine's embarrassment. Not long afterward, the subway car slowed for their stop and they were both still smirking when they exited the platform.

"By the way," Kurt said when they were out of the station and away from the noise, "you better still have that McQueen, and I will know if Tina's laid so much as one squinty eye on it."

Blaine felt a shy smile spread slowly across his face and the blush creep from his ears down the back of his neck. As they turned another corner, Kurt fumbling for his keys, Blaine had to shove his hands in the pocket of his jeans to avoid the temptation to reach for Kurt.

* * *

Back at the loft, his last night in New York, Blaine was filling two plates with leftover turkey, corn and mashed potatoes while Kurt called out movie titles from the living room. In a moment of sudden quiet, Blaine turned to see Kurt loading the DVD player.

"What are we watching then?" He asked as he put the lid back on the Tupperware of mash potatoes and placed it back in the fridge.

"You'll see," Kurt said cheekily, approaching the table. Behind him, the TV clicked on and three previews flick across the screen before Hugh Grant's voice booms low from the speakers across the loft; a speech that ends with: "love, actually is all around."

"Really?" Blaine quirked an eyebrow across the table, surprised.

"It's Christmas," Kurt stated with a shrug, his eyes never leaving the TV.

They ate in companionable silence, randomly commenting on the various storyline's _"do they ever explain how those two know each other?"_ Kurt asks about Daniel and Karen. _"Wouldn't the Prime Minster own a comb!?" _Blaine's voice is so disgusted that Kurt nearly chokes on his after dinner coffee. Some of the tension that hung between them for the last four days seems to have lifted after their recent conversation's, at least enough for Kurt to choose to sit with Blaine on the couch rather than pulling up a chair.

When Mark tells Juliet, _without hope or agenda,_ Blaine is watching Kurt rather than the cards on the screen; noting the tears leaking silently from Kurt's eyes, because he always hated this particular story, before.

They both cheer when the Prime Minister's security guard joins in singing a Christmas carol for the group of little girls. And they sing along in whispers to Joanna's version of "All I Want for Christmas is You;" however, because Kurt can feel Blaine's eyes on him, he refuses to look away from the screen.

They finish the remainder of the movie in a silence that grows more fatigued with every passing second, so they are both yawning hugely by the time Hugh Grant's voice-over precedes the credits.

With a quick glance at the time, Kurt lifts off the coach to remove the DVD and turn off the TV as Blaine set to relaying his bed. Before he could lie down, however, Kurt had crossed the room again and reached forward to lead Blaine into a soft hug. He pulled away before he spoke, his voice soft, his exhaustion clear, "Thank you for being my Christmas Eve gift, it wouldn't really be Christmas without you and um, for my dad just, thanks for ya know, whatever comes next;" Kurt shrugged, suddenly staring out the dark window rather than at Blaine.

"I'll do everything I can," Blaine assured, placing a tentative hand on Kurt's arm to draw his attention back. "Happy Holidays, I love you Kurt," Blaine had not really meant to say it, and Kurt's eyes met his again coated with an odd misty sheen; like he'd somehow abosrbed the beads off the window.

To Blaine's surprise however, Kurt let out an amused scoff, his lips twitching up slightly, "ditto; goodnight Blaine."

"Goodnight," Blaine whispered as Kurt turned toward the kitchen and Blaine climbed into his makeshift bed; with a click, the loft went dark. The next thing he was aware of was a soft blanket being added to the pile covering him and Kurt's hand brushing his shoulder before the apartment echoed with the sound of retreating footsteps. Blaine was asleep before Kurt reached his curtains.

* * *

The next morning is a frantic rush because Kurt had to be at Vogue by 8am, which meant Blaine had to catch a taxi to the airport by himself as Kurt ran toward the subway station, screaming farewells. The last sight Blaine caught of Kurt was a flash of brilliant smile as he ran toward his dream job.

The chaos of travel was lost on Blaine; he moved from the cab and through the airport without noticing the places or people around him. Before he knew it the plane was carting away from the gate; it felt wrong to be traveling away from Kurt and yet, he knew there was no choice. Things were different now, in ways that Blaine hadn't really considered, they were different now and he had to accept that. Maybe their lives together wouldn't be exactly as they'd planned, but Blaine still believed they belonged together and somehow, he would find a way to make this right.

Sam was waiting for him when he exited the airport and thankfully, he didn't ask a single question after taking in Blaine's expression. Instead, in true Sam fashion he offered a wonderfully New York accent as he dived into the tales of Christmas in Lima, which included Artie getting hurt, Puck coming back and Coach Beiste marrying Sam to Brit. Despite his disinterest just now, Blaine couldn't help but press for more details on the later.

* * *

Two and a half hours later, after successfully avoiding a party; Blaine was emptying his suitcase when he came across a piece of folded stationary stuck in the corner pocket. The paper, which contained millions of tiny gold stars, clearly came from Rachel's desk; but the handwriting, though hastily scribbled, was distinctly Kurt's.

_Blaine -  
Of course I kept the letters_  
_ I wish you hadn't stopped writing after Thanksgiving_

_Just  
please don't apologize or explain anymore  
What's done is done and what will be, will be  
always, Kurt_

_Enough,_ Blaine thought with a smile; reading Kurt's words repeatedly. E_nough for now._

He put _Love, Actually_ into the DVD player as he sorted laundry and cleaned up after so many days away; the movie remained on loop for most of that weekend.

Three days later, when school started back, Blaine sat down and wrote a letter to his best friend.


End file.
